Vent Session. Right Now. BIG Ol BITCH FEST.

Alright so I've a beef with the great man upstairs.

I've been married for 10 years. 10 whole years of getting to know one another. Our pros, our cons. The words of Henry Higgins I've grown accustomed to [his] face. (One my favorite musicals as a personal side note). But seriously this has got to be the joke of the century right?

So Zaq and I have been married 10 years. When we first enjoyed that first year of marital bliss he idealized what kind of dad he would be. He wanted to be one of those dads whose kids are excited to see when he comes home. (Which they are)

He used to say that when we would have kids that I could stay at home with the kids and that when he would arrive home that would be when he would take over the responsibilities of being a parent and give me a break. Rarely Happens. Like tonight. I was hoping to get a certain part of the house cleaned up, but as usual Alexander our 8 month old son just wanted Mommy so I caved and feed him and cuddled him, tried putting him down, but that wasn't about to happen on Alexander's watch. So I check in with Zaq to see if he can put on his dad hat so that I can put on my maid hat and work, but did that work. THAT'S A BIG OL' NO.

Let me have a girls night so that he can have a boys night. Today was the first time in three months I left the house for two hours I was gone all by myself ..... Oh wait no I wasn't I had to take Alexander because when I leave Alexander with Zaq Alexander wigs out and just cries the whole time I'm gone.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I'm happy they are here. I hope in the future that this parenting job that I signed up for gets easier.

Or at least when they get older they are not so clinging. Oh wait. My favorite moment from today we were all watching Cars 3, I had just gotten back from visiting a friend who just had her brand new baby (which I got to hold, and can I just say "OMGoodness Babies are soooo tiny and cute, made me want a new one all over again, but luckily I'm not baby hungry right now with three kids that are so dependent upon me to provide for them) and I walk in and all of sudden Aiden our 5 year old jumps into my arms to be held, followed by our two year old, Layoni. Which as a mom you want that relationship with our kids. But as I sat down to get comfy and enjoy the movie Aiden just wanted to snuggle with me. Then about ten minutes into getting comfy with Zaq, Me and Aiden Layoni wants to join the cuddle fest so we make room for her to snuggle Zaq, but she doesn't want that either. So I'm snuggling two kids on my lap and Zaq is sitting there solo on the couch watching Cars 3.

Like don't get me wrong I feel bad for the guy that his kids don't like him as much as they love Mom because lets be realistic here I'm a doormat that lets them get away with everything because I just want them to behave with me. So punishments are less severe with Mom than when they are with Dad. But man does that make it tough on Mama.

Zaq claims I'm just a big Ol' Mama Bear that doesn't let go of my kids ever. But I don't think that true I'm constantly yelling at my kids to behave and stop acting like a "BUTTHEAD" a common word said around the house. Butthead. even now I'm laughing about it.

Don't get me wrong Ladies and Gentlemen I'm very lucky to have married Zaq. He has provided for me for 10 years. For 10 long years I've never had to get a job, unless I've really wanted one.

But in that 10 years he's been able to ditch the kids to further his career. What career can I take away from my experience with Aiden, Layoni, or Alexander. None. They had this cool seminar at the library about child care and child development mentally and physically that I was really interested in. Two hours once a month. that's it, and I couldn't even make that.

I remember finally consenting to having kids and I'm still happy I had my kids, they are awesome kids with awesome personalities but for reals when did I sign the paper work for 24 hour 7 days a week job? I thought I signed up with a partner that would help me with our kids, not just pay all the bills. Which I'm grateful for.

The turn side about my vent session is that I guess things could always be worse. I could be married to a man that enjoys partying and is never home. But that's not the case he's home every night. I could always be married to man that is 24/7 his career. But I'm not I married a man who enjoys video gaming and has shown that to our children and they enjoy sitting with him and watching him play video games.

I guess what I'm really venting is just the normal stuff that happens in an everyday relationship. Right?

Well from One Mama to the next. I think it's time for girls night soon.

Driving

So today's blog is something that most people do on a daily basis.

I've been driving since the day I turned 16 years old. I wanted to drive so badly that I went to summer school for my drivers ed class in High School. Although back then when I was first learning to drive I was extremely nervous which in my opinion makes for a cautious driver which means that they will be safer, but in all likeliness it's probably more dangerous to have a cautious driver that doesn't know when to merge or change lanes with other cars around.

Now when I was 16 we lived in Salt Lake City. Now if you have ever driven around Salt Lake City you know that there are certain parts of town that slow down just to accommodate those special people that can't merge. Like 2100 South and 1300 East by the KFC. It slows down traffic all the time because no one can calculate how to merge the lane together that quickly after a light.

Now one memory I have from my drivers ed days was it was my turn to drive on the freeway so my instructor had us all load up in the car and drive up 1-80 east. We had just pulled over from the on ramp and it was my turn to begin driving. I got in the drivers seat. Buckled up, because you know when the adults are watching you have to follow the rules. Made sure all the mirrors were aligned with my short stature vision. Then I began to proceed. But all of sudden the car stopped going, then it would go again, then it would stop again, then it would go again, back and forth, back and forth. Yeah my instructor wanted to make sure I wasn't stressed out so he decided to pull a prank on me. Luckily I figured it out and we proceeded to go forward with me freeway time.

Now I've lived in four different states with different driving experiences. Living in Utah taught me how to be cautious because people be crazy and pissed off like no other. Dang people in Utah are angry drivers, although technically speaking I was one to join them. PEOPLE Drove me nuts. They would drive slow, or not proceed into the middle of an intersection at a left hand turn light. People would cut me off in down town provo just to get a parking spot. Lets see my mom can totally agree with me that my kids learned how to swear because of the way I drove around Provo cursing people out for being retarded.

Now when I first moved out to Ojai, California I was shy and timid and never, seriously NEVER drove anywhere. I didn't know where to go, and didn't have anywhere I needed to go so I never drove, which is totally discouraging now that I think about it, because I wasn't that confident in California. Luckily we only lived there for three months, so I was able to over come that challenge the next time.

Back in Utah living in Salt Lake City no one would use their turn signals or turn indicators lol they would just go whatever way they wanted and didn't care. Although for that year it was called our honeymoon year because Zaq didn't have to work for a year, and most of driving happened at night to do a food run, and blockbuster run. Back when Blockbuster actually existed. Ahhh Awesome times.

Denver Colorado Temple

Then came Colorado I loved driving around Colorado. By the time we left Colorado I was just enjoying my drive from work and back. Across the secluded train area, and some empty landscapes around the town of Littleton. I loved it. I miss it sometimes. Plus driving pass the Littleton, Colorado Temple was awesome. One of the coolest temple experiences I had in Colorado was actually while driving.

Something people might not know is that when temples are closed for whatever reason and they are actually closed for more than two weeks they actually turn off the lights to the temple. I never knew this. The lights of the Salt Lake City Temple have been on since the day I was born and it will probably be on till the day it gets taken over my the aliens lol. But anyway, I just remember everyday driving passed this beautiful temple as it reminded me that Christ is always with me no matter what. But then one evening as Zaq and I were driving home from a long day at work the lights were off. All that was left was a dark whole. Something was missing. It was a like a dark void in the space it was so weird. Now for those that aren't LDS I can understand the confusion. But for Mormons an absence of the temple lights affects us in different was.

But now living in Oregon I love driving around town. Luckily I never go anywhere without our trusty driving google directions app. We have loved driving around Oregon. Around the wine country while on our way from the beach. Or driving to the Clackamas Costco through beautiful farm country with the healthiest looking cows we've ever seen. Or driving through beautiful forests around town. I LOVE driving around Oregon. Although there is one down side when you get closer to portland the freeway becomes a bit more difficult to manage. Like today we had a doctors visit and THANK GOD Zaq took the day to help get us there. but as we were on our way home Zaq quickly had to merge onto a freeway exist. As he cut across three lanes without killing us he kept saying in his calm apologetic voice. I'm sorry. I'm an ass hole driver. I'm sorry. I'm an asshole. Pleasantly enough no one honked at us. No one gave us the finger, everyone understood what had happened and let us in the lane that we needed and everyone was very pleasant about it. I'm grateful for Oregon's calm drivers. Although it helps that Oregon's freeway speeds are 50 and 55 miles an hour unlike Utah's 80 mph freeway speeds.

But this is my point. Please be safe out there. Take the time to let someone in. You don't know what's happening the car next you. Maybe their kid is having a melt down. Maybe they are rushing to the hospital. Maybe someone has to pee really bad. Just be safe and kind to one another. That's what I'm trying to say today.

Be safe out there to all my readers.

Our next big driving experience will be driving cross country to Maryland. Coming this July

Potty Training

Alright in honor of this my fifth mothers day I'm actually going to write about potty training my kids. Since I have potty trained both a boy and a girl I am now an expert. NOT. I am just like everyone else struggling to figure out how many times I have to tell my child not to pee on the carpet or floor, but to pee in the toilet. hahaha

Aiden

Alright well any good Mother's Day blog should start with the oldest and it should always start with baby pictures. This is Aiden when he was around 1 month old. Back when I cared about having a hat on his head. Although he was born in January in Utah, that boy couldn't go anywhere for the first three months of his life without being overly covered to combat sickness and the cold of Utah.

Aiden around 2 years old

So when it came to potty training I always thought that dad's should train boys and mom's should train girls on how to use the bathroom. Now as Aiden is approaching 5 years old he's getting mad that whenever I have to take him to the restroom to use the facilities he reminds me that he's a boy and not a girl. It's amazing the thing that boy notices.

When I was beginning to potty train Aiden I thought at the age of two was a good age to grasp the concept of using the porcelain goddess that the age of 2 was a good age to start. Plus this was when i was pregnant with Layoni quickly approaching and I didn't want two children in diapers.

Aiden and Layoni chilling on the couch

So I pushed and shoved Aiden into using the toilet and letting me know that he had to use the potty. I would ask him every twenty minutes. I thought it was going well. He would always have dry diapers during nap time and over night that was never the issue. But for whatever reason at the age of 2 he wasn't ready. He just didn't understand where to go so the carpet was the next logical place. So I quickly gave up on trying to push him into something that he wasn't ready for.


That is my first piece of advise for mom's getting ready to potty train their children. If your child isn't ready to go potty stop trying to force them. All it's going to result in you wanting to pull your hair out and your child feeling like a failure because they don't understand the concept.

Aiden and Layoni playing on the tablet

So back to our story, I waited another 6 months or so and backed off of Aiden trying to use the toilet. Then one day we went to the store and I bought him some big boy underwear and he loved it, so we went two weeks buck naked around the house and he picked it up *snap fingers* like that. No more accidents, No more oops I peed on the floor.

Piece of advise number 2. Let your kids run around naked, completely naked, for two weeks so that they don't have to worry about underwear or pants when they are already trying to figure out how to pee.

Layoni age 12 months

Now it is becoming Layoni's turn to go through the potty training process. I tried at 2 and 6 months. She didn't want anything to do with. I would go up to her every 20 minutes, do you need to go potty? Twenty minutes later Hey Layoni do you need to go potty? then 10 minutes after I went and sat down *pee* "Mommy, Layoni peed on the floor" "thank Aiden"

Aiden and Layoni

With Layoni I actually got suckered into buying a big huge box of Pull ups from Costco none the less. Worst purchase ever. I bought the box put the pull ups on Layoni and she totally just kept peeing in the pull up. I think because they feel just like diapers. I would tell her over and over again do you need to go potty. Just let me know and she never figured out how to tell me that she needed to go potty.

Aiden, Layoni and Alexander Christmas 2017

Advise number 3. Never buy pull ups. They are just trying to steal your money.


Yeah that was not pleasant to experience. So I had to take my own advise clearly she is not ready or wanting to potty train right now so I decided to wait. Then one day we went shopping and found some little Minnie Mouse and Paw Patrol girl underwear. Bought it and tried to entice her to wear them. At first she was resistant to the idea, but then as she started to identify who the characters actually were she became more excited about wearing them.

The whole family at the
Portland Temple Visitors Center

Back in the day when I first started potty training Aiden I bought this toy toilet, more of a practice toilet, but miniature for kids. Aiden always used it as a toy. To this day he never peed in that sucker or pooped in it either.  Just went straight to toilet. Well I pulled it out of storage for Layoni and she LOVED peeing in it. I'm still trying to figure out how I am going to transition her to the adult toilet. My next adventure, but I'm in no big hurry. Remind me I said this the next time I'm complaining about cleaning up diarrhea or something.

Surprisingly she's becoming very girly. She likes her nails painted, and her hair done, and of course I've taught her to show off to daddy, because every little girl needs to be told from her daddy that she's beautiful.

Alexander (in the little mirror in the corner) Aiden and Layoni

But then after two weeks of no accidents and running errands and thinking YES she's potty trained. She goes in her little toilet and then comes and tells me that she has gone pee. I don't have to remind her, or tell her to go pee. She just takes care of it herself. LOVE IT. So I convinced Zaq to spend some money (believe doing that is like prying his wallet open with a crow bar, especially for toys Oh My Goodness) but needless to say we convince him that she's been great, we should totally reward her for this behavior. So we walk all over walmart, I mean up and down all the aisles of toys. Playing with them and even pulling some down from the upper shelves to see if there is anything that she just simply can't live without. But everything she just puts back on the shelves when we say that it's time to move on. So defeated we didn't buy her anything. I don't know what happened, but the for the next 48 hours she wouldn't pee in her toilet. She peed in nursery. She peed at her babysitters. She peed in front of my computer, even though she was at home and knew where to go potty. I couldn't believe. I don't know what happened whether she knew she was suppose to bring home a reward and that didn't happen or she was just defeated, but this week has been better. No more accidents. Pooping the little toilet and all that jazz, so we'll see if I can convince Zaq to go out and try the reward thing again.

Parenting advise number 4. Reward your kids for the milestones that they accomplish, I'm not saying go out and have a million dollar party, or spend hundreds of dollars on them, but something that lets them know that they are doing good and that they are making right choices are good to let them know.

But that's this little family wrapped up in the nutshell. To the mother's out there with crazy home lives. Happy Mother's Day. To the women out there without children be patient one day it will happen, i know it's not what you want to hear, but I completely understand how you feel that anger in the pit of your stomach that just makes you angry at everything around you. Been there believe me. To those that have lost hope of having children tomorrow is always a new day and if your not careful it could lead to something amazing. To women everywhere Happy Woman's Day lets stand united and celebrate the fact that we're alive and able to breathe.

Happy Mother's/Woman's Day

My religious choices

I recently have been reviewing old journals and diaries that I have kept since becoming a married lady and found a few things that I would like to share with you.

So my religious experiences begin with my Grandma Judy. This is what I can remember, but I'm sure my mom will remind me that we attended church in San Jose, California, but since I have absolutely no memories of that experience I will write about the memories of church that I do have.

Grandma Judy and I attending Easter Service

My religious experiences begin with my Grandma Judy who decided around the age of 8 or 9 to start attending church with me on Easter. It was always Easter that she would go, no other days.

She would choose a church that she wanted to see and go to their service for that day. She wasn't too particular about which church we choose to attend, as long as it wasn't the Mormon church. Hey what can I say, we were in Utah every block has a Mormon church on it, but once you enter into the real world you begin to realize that only in Utah do they dominate what is happening in your neighborhoods.

John and Judy were always a great example to me of how to follow Christ. They joined a bible study group around this time and attended weekly bible class and even joined this group on a trip to Jerusalem. They were both baptized in the Jordan River. Which to me was the coolest thing to do, and to follow Christ's example.

Great Grandma Peterson, Grandpa John, me and Grandma Judy
my baptism in 1996

Later on in life when I was living in West Valley, Utah in a trailer park the Elders found me and baptized me as a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints. The only person in our family that was active in the LDS church was my Great Grandma Peterson (as shown in the picture) a sweet lady that lived in Utah as well.

Now, living in Utah you are either a Mormon and live your life by those guidelines and if you're not a Mormon then you go through your whole life trying to figure out your place while living in Utah.

Now when I was 9 years old, I believe that I was baptized as a way to get attention from other people rather than my parents. I was living in West Valley at the time, which meant that I was living with my mom and my step dad. Not bad people by any means, but an unhappy situation for me growing up. At the start of my parents coming off a two year separation those were good times, family events, holidays, and happy memories, but those soon fade with times of trouble.

By the time I was getting baptized I was just trying to figure out who I am, and trying to get attention from other people that wasn't my family. Everyone has that special child that thrives for attention from other people no matter how much attention you give them yourselves. My children are pros at this right now. Aiden hams it up on camera every time we turn on a live feed camera for facetime or streaming time he just loves to see what his face looks like on the camera. Layoni craves attention at church so she wiggles all over the place to get peoples attention so that she can get away from Mom and Dad and go sit with other families. Alexander isn't this bold yet, he just makes eye contact and gives anyone that looks at him the biggest smile he can issue. Zaq used to unleash his pet bird when people were over to visit his house in order to get attention. Everyone craves attention from other people. No one likes to be invisible.

But progressing on with my church experiences. So attending church with my Grandma to begin with, showing me that there is always more than one religion out there. Showing me that more than one type of people worship Christ. Because without Christ there is no great atoning sacrifice that we must be grateful for. Now I'm pissing off my atheist friends who believe that Christ never existed at all and that religion is over rated. Yes I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I have friends that are atheist. I love them, and they love me. We can happily talk religion, but we never argue about it. They have their opinions and I have mine. I respect that. Some Mormons in Utah don't understand how to respect people and their choices in this life.

So after I was baptized in the Church I became inactive because my
mom and step dad never wanted to attend church with me, and because we were in West Valley and town flooded with Spanish speaking wards only I never felt confident in attending by myself. It would take two other individuals to get me to go to church.

Mark Ottesen

Tina Rateau now

Mark and Tina Ottesen they lived in a house across the street from my grandparents at the time. They met me because I was playing in the street with another elderly neighbor. Apparently there were no kids in my neighborhood at the time. So Mark met me first and then I met his wife Tina. They invited me to church and I began attending church with them starting around the age of 12. Which is the age where the children begin to go into Young Men and Young Woman's programs for their teenage "confinement" period lol.

These two quickly became what felt like a second set of parents to me. Whenever I was bored I would just go hang out them. Tina taught me how to cook and do service projects for people around the neighborhood. And Mark loved to hear a good joke even if it was a child's joke. These two had 40 something nieces and nephews whom they adored and loved.

Surprisingly enough when these two weren't around to attend church with me, I would just by myself in order to get away from my West Valley house, which meant that on top of driving me to Salt Lake City every day of the week, I now forced my mom to drive up on Sundays as well. Thanks mom. I love you.

But as a teenager you are given the opportunity to go do baptisms for the dead. Which believe as beneficial to the dead. Those that have died without given the opportunity to receive the gospel. They are now given the opportunity in the after life that they  are experiencing to accept the gospel and Christ as their redeemer.

Something that caught me off guard in an interview with the bishopric at the time was a few questions they asked me the first was "Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?" Now upon reviewing this questions because to me at first glance it's asking members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church? to me it almost felt like they are trying to see what's going on in my house with my family, but upon reading further you understand YOUR CONDUCT. How do you treat your family? Do you treat your family in the harmony of the teachings of the church?

And the other one that threw me at first was "Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individaul whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?" To me that seems like a very daunting question to ask a 12 year old. I had to be honest in my answering of this question. I do and will always support my family in their choices that they make, I may not agree with them at times, but that doesn't mean I disown them for those choices. The bishopric agreed with me.  Something that is hard for people to understand is that people are human we are all prone to err. There is nothing wrong with that.

Just because my family aren't Mormons doesn't mean that I should never talk to them again, and currently I feel very different about family since having my own kids and what not, but that has never stopped me from loving them and respecting their choices in this life.

I have lots of friends that aren't members of the Church and I respect them for their choices in this life. Something my grandpa shared with me as a kid was that as long as you believe in Christ and what he has done for you. You'll go to heaven. I loved that idea.

And as usual in most classes and lectures in the church I'm running late for a meeting so I'll close this post with my testimony. I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I believe that the living prophet Russel M. Nelson guides this church on its true path toward Christ. I believe in Christ and his atoning sacrifice that all our sins can and will be forgiven as long as we repent and ask for forgiveness.
Amen