Burning Bridges vs. Letting go of the past

Good Morning Big Beautiful Universe,
How are you this fine morning?
Me, well it's only 2:37 in the morning and I felt inspiration strike me as a lay in bed waiting to fall asleep.

Someone close to me reached out recently and posed the question whether I had burned the bridge to our relationship. I felt bad knowing full well that I have let go of my past, but I have yet to burn any bridges.

My family is very important to me. I love my husband and I love our three wonderful children. But outside of that circle my relationships with people become a bit of a challenge.

Both Zaq and I love our parents and would do anything for them just as the feeling is mutual. I know that in a pickle I can call Zaq's mom, or my mom and know that without a question there is help on the other side of that phone call. No matter the time, no matter the place.

Zaq has been estranged from the rest of extended family with the exception of siblings and it always made me question How could someone care so little about their family. I mean family history is so important to the Mormon religion that its hard to let go of family sometimes. But then I began reflecting upon my own aunts and uncles and the relationships that I've had with them.

All my life I've had three uncles. I grew up knowing that I had three uncles, but I never knew that I had so much more than that. I had 9 other aunts and uncles that knew who I was and were interested in my growing up. I learned a deep lesson at the age of 20 that people outside of my mom's side of the family knew and loved me as well.

But at the beautiful age of 29 I began in take a closer look at those relationships. I began noticing that when I attended family functions I would often sit alone, I would often helicopter my children because there was no one else to watch my kids except me. In Utah where so much of my family from my mom and dad's family are I felt very alone and isolated. I felt that if I didn't attend every family function I would be forgotten, and I was and am. But for those that do remember me I thank you for it very deeply.

That being said. I feel there is a difference between burning bridges and letting go of the past. People change, heaven knows I've changed in the past 10 years alone. I have never once burned any bridges with family members, I've just realized that people don't know me anymore and they don't recognize me because I've grown and become my own person. It was interesting as I made way across the country moving from Oregon to Maryland I stopped off in Indiana to visit an uncle I've known all my life. My uncle Dan.

As I called Dan and his family to let them know that I was journeying in their direction and would love to stop by for a visit I had to leave a voicemail on their answering machine. As I left my name I said "Hi this is Chris calling, Cathy's daughter." It made to stop and realize that that is how I identify myself with my whole family. Hi I'm Chris Marty's daughter, or I'm Chris, Cathy's daughter. These people I'm reaching out don't know who I am, plus Chris is a very common name that I had grown to love as a nick name, but people don't know me off the top of their heads and that's okay. There is no need to feel hurt about it. I understand that I've grown and changed just like they have.

I feel that I have never burnt any bridges with my family, I've just learned by now those that know me off the top of their heads and those that don't. There is no hurt, I'm not offended, I don't spend every waking hour anymore feeling hurt and neglected I've just let go of my past and live for my small family of 5 now that's all.

I'm sure I'll never hear the end of this, but that's just how I feel about it. I figured some people would enjoy hearing about letting go of the past and moving onto a bigger better future and I hope this helps people understand their relationships with into their own families.

Also remember someone loves you, within your own family no matter what. Someone loves you and is always watching out for you.

Hope that left you on a positive note. As for this tired mama I'm going to bed at 3:00 am with the hopes that Alexander, Layoni, and Aiden will sleep through the whole night (especially since they are all sick). Wish me luck.