Alright Picking Up Where I am

Good Evening Blogosphere,

I found my recent journal and realized I haven't written anything in over a year in my journal, it also made me realize that I haven't written in my blog in about that same amount of time.

I figured this specific blog might help people as we face this every growing holiday season.

Christmas is a fickle time of year for me, especially this year. Zaq and I have usually struggled with money throughout the year to make sure ends meet and bills get paid on time. But this year seems really tight. My fondest memory of Christmas is hosting a family gathering for Zaq's family. We had stockings for every person and I filled them to the rim with stuff. Everyone had a really great time. It was such a nice thing to do for everyone and I loved every minute of decorating that year. This year it's just our small family of 5 and my brother in law Hyrum. But it's still going to be a great Christmas because I'm the only one that can keep a secret from the kids and boys of the house.

Our Ward has had a great vision for our Christmas party this coming Saturday. Instead of a ham that is going to feed everyone our Bishop has inspired us to participate in seven different charities first is a giving tree, then a Homeless Care Bag, Breast Cancer Pillows, Cards, Fleece Blanket Tying, and some comfort packs. I'm truly grateful to be part of this and to do all that I can to make sure that this Christmas party is a blast.

In prior wards I've hidden my abilities and talents, but in this ward my flame is shining brightly my reference to a light is found in Matthew 5:14-16 "Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put is under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." This year I get to draw the elves workshop and I'm super excited about drawing and letting everyone use my art as a backdrop for this family photos.

But with great happiness comes great sadness as well. Recently my aunt posted on her facebook "Nothing like the smell of cigarettes on the way home from work" I didn't know whether this was a positive post or a negative post. To me was just a facebook opinion. Everyone is entitled to them and facebook is just a right place for them I feel. So in the mood of sharing I shared the statement "Personally I love the smell of Marlboro reds because that's what Jim's dad used to smoke" I thought it was something harmless and something that I could sympathize with. I understand walking past someone smoking and wants to inhale their second hand smoke because it reminds you of better times. I know for me it does. I love the smell of those cigarettes. I wish I could sit with my grandpa again and enjoy a long stimulating conversation about how the neighborhood has progressed. My uncle on the other hand felt quiet slighted and decided to go to facebook about it "Christina Hildreth that would be your Grandfather!!!!! Respect as he would want and taught us all! It's really sad to be brainwashed and manipulated to disgrace people who cared, loved and supported you!! Disagreeing with views and ideas is one thing but hate is a horrible thing to live with and will destroy a soul! And btw is a lonely place once reality sets in and realize bridges were burned and one is left with nothing. Some use to be wise enough to get it!!!!"

I couldn't believe that I had hurt their family this much in my small statement of I love the smell of cigarettes as well and I haven't even smoked them before. I have always had a hard time trying to find the family peace between my uncle and I. We all love each other, but have very different view points on this world and the world to follow. But something that I think needs to be shared with this blog because I believe this will reach almost every member of my family, I love my family very much. I'm sorry for the hurt that I might have caused. Something I can not stress enough apparently. I feel like I'm always apologizing to them for putting my foot into my mouth. Apparently it's a disease I have, maybe I can go to the doctors and get a doctors note for it.

But it begs the question that during everyone's Christmas celebrations who else has family that they try to avoid because of some fight or different points of view that you just can't seem to settle. According to Zazu "There's one in every family, and they always find a way to ruin special occasions" ha ha ha.

Anyway life is going great on this end just chugging along and swimming

Looking forward to keep everyone posted on what's happening in my life.

Much Love Chris

Mom struggles with mood swings

So as I was doing my reading this morning while math class was going on in the background I read something that I would like to blog about.

Ten Steps to a Joyful and Enthusiastic Life
Since thinking has much to do with what you become in life, you might consider the following suggestions:
First: Stop putting yourself down. There is a lot that is good in you. Empty your mind of thoughts of failure and start seeing yourself as a competent person.
Second: Eliminate self-pity. Think of what you have, instead of dwelling on what you may have lost.
Third: Quit thinking about yourself. Think of others. Go out and look for someone who needs the help you can give, and give it freely.
Fourth: Remember the words of Goethe: "He who has a firm will molds the world to himself." God gave humans something called will. Use it.
Fifth: Have a goal and set an achievable timetable to achieve it.
Sixth: Stop wasting your mental energy on the past, and start thinking about what to do now. Amazing things happen when you think constructively.
Seventh: Every morning and every evening say these words aloud: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Eighth: Every day say three times: "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it" (adapted from Psalms 118:24).
Ninth: Think and practice joy every day.
Tenth: Get enthusiasm, think enthusiasm; live enthusiastically!
-Normal Vincent Peale

So as I began homeschooling my 5 year old son in math I quickly became frustrated because he would get distracted by the simplest of things. I quickly had to adjust my attitude of frustration to one of understanding and come up with a quick fix.

Math class started with me giving my son math problems in box form
  3
+1

But that didn't work to well for him. I quickly started writing out story problems. Aiden LOVES story problems. He quickly adapted to listening to the problems closely and doing what the math problem suggested. I was amazed because as a kid I hated math problems. When Homeschooling small young children one must adapt to help the child. I've quickly had to adapt my math classes to Aiden learning 1+3=____ instead or use story problems.

With Homeschooling my son I'm grateful that we have schedule catered to us. There is no wake up at 6:00 am to walk to school, it's real easy and relaxed. I keep on him to learn and we learn together it's such an amazing opportunity right now for us to go through together. I really hope I can keep up this optimism as he approaches other harder subjects in the future.

I enjoyed reading and contemplating the ten steps to a positive attitude since it made me look back on my own attitude toward my children, and my family.

Recently I was in a tough spot I had spoken to a close family friend about some issues that I didn't want to discuss with Zaq. But my friend encouraged me to talk to Zaq about it and everything got resolved. But Zaq pointed out that I always view the grass greener on the other side of the fence. So I decided to change my attitude and I began thanking him for the things that he does everyday. Now to you wives that are out, I'm sure writing down everything little thing that your husband does sounds stupid and ridiculous believe I sometimes don't like to do it. But it has helped me view the time that he does sacrifice to spend time with his family. I started thanking him helping me unload the groceries from the car, something I often overlooked.

We recently became close friends with some people from our church and upon first inspection of this family I thought "they have everything. I can't believe they have all this." I was jealous, but the more I've gotten to know them the more I understand the struggles that they have to overcome. They have a beautiful attitude about everything. Nothing ever keeps them down. I'm grateful for the relationship that we're forming with this family and I love them very much.

Everything is about how you as a person see it. I strongly advise that if your wanting to change your outlook on life you take a look at those 10 steps and follow them closely. Keep God in your life or not (because I know some people that read this blog that aren't happy with God right now) it is up to you. But for me and my house we will serve the Lord.

My Life for a Cord!!!

Well Ladies and Gentlemen I finally found (a.k.a. ordered a new cord from amazon) the cord to my camera.

Do you understand what's that mean? That means I can now upload all 800 pictures/videos I've shot over the last year. Strap yourselves in you seats.

I have weeks worth on content which I will be releasing over the next several weeks. So keep your eyes peeled for new content, or make your life easier and follow my blog, you know you want to.

So things that are going to be written about on this blog in the next several weeks.

1. Birth of our third child
2. Photo Shoots with small children
3. Oregon Zoo
4. My favorite Halloween of 2017
5. Grandma and Grandpa visit for Thanksgiving
6. Christmas
7. Aiden's Birthday
8. Oregon Children's Museum
9. Playing Fury of Dracula
10. Easter
11. Bath Time Fun
12. Zaq's Birthday
13. Oregon Tram
14. Rock Painting - already started, but updating soon
15. Oregon Art Museum
16. Oregon Portland Temple
17. OMSI
18. Visiting Grandpa on Vashon Island
19. Visiting Friends in Coos Bay
20. Fourth of July
21. Adventures in Six Flags
22. Layoni's Third Birthday

Hope to catch you enjoying the stories :D

Reading stories to my children

I am beginning a new process of going through all the books that Zaq and I have collected over the years. While doing so I have always come across new things that I love and am inspired by. Tonight is has inspired me to start this post. We'll see how long this gets. I will continue to add to this post as I continue to be inspired by thoughts from books we are reading.

Tonight this comes from the book:
The Missionaries Little Book of inspirational stories
Word of Honor
"My friends, I have been asked what is meant by 'word of honor.' I will tell you. Place me behind prison walls - high, thick walls of stone. It is possible that somehow I could escape. But stand me on the floor, draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor not to cross it and I would never cross the line. I'd die first!"
- Karl G. Maeser

Rocks around Columbia maryland

So as we venture out today on our evening stroll I figured I would take this opportunity to hide singe rocks around the Columbia Maryland area. Good luck finding it.

Burning Bridges vs. Letting go of the past

Good Morning Big Beautiful Universe,
How are you this fine morning?
Me, well it's only 2:37 in the morning and I felt inspiration strike me as a lay in bed waiting to fall asleep.

Someone close to me reached out recently and posed the question whether I had burned the bridge to our relationship. I felt bad knowing full well that I have let go of my past, but I have yet to burn any bridges.

My family is very important to me. I love my husband and I love our three wonderful children. But outside of that circle my relationships with people become a bit of a challenge.

Both Zaq and I love our parents and would do anything for them just as the feeling is mutual. I know that in a pickle I can call Zaq's mom, or my mom and know that without a question there is help on the other side of that phone call. No matter the time, no matter the place.

Zaq has been estranged from the rest of extended family with the exception of siblings and it always made me question How could someone care so little about their family. I mean family history is so important to the Mormon religion that its hard to let go of family sometimes. But then I began reflecting upon my own aunts and uncles and the relationships that I've had with them.

All my life I've had three uncles. I grew up knowing that I had three uncles, but I never knew that I had so much more than that. I had 9 other aunts and uncles that knew who I was and were interested in my growing up. I learned a deep lesson at the age of 20 that people outside of my mom's side of the family knew and loved me as well.

But at the beautiful age of 29 I began in take a closer look at those relationships. I began noticing that when I attended family functions I would often sit alone, I would often helicopter my children because there was no one else to watch my kids except me. In Utah where so much of my family from my mom and dad's family are I felt very alone and isolated. I felt that if I didn't attend every family function I would be forgotten, and I was and am. But for those that do remember me I thank you for it very deeply.

That being said. I feel there is a difference between burning bridges and letting go of the past. People change, heaven knows I've changed in the past 10 years alone. I have never once burned any bridges with family members, I've just realized that people don't know me anymore and they don't recognize me because I've grown and become my own person. It was interesting as I made way across the country moving from Oregon to Maryland I stopped off in Indiana to visit an uncle I've known all my life. My uncle Dan.

As I called Dan and his family to let them know that I was journeying in their direction and would love to stop by for a visit I had to leave a voicemail on their answering machine. As I left my name I said "Hi this is Chris calling, Cathy's daughter." It made to stop and realize that that is how I identify myself with my whole family. Hi I'm Chris Marty's daughter, or I'm Chris, Cathy's daughter. These people I'm reaching out don't know who I am, plus Chris is a very common name that I had grown to love as a nick name, but people don't know me off the top of their heads and that's okay. There is no need to feel hurt about it. I understand that I've grown and changed just like they have.

I feel that I have never burnt any bridges with my family, I've just learned by now those that know me off the top of their heads and those that don't. There is no hurt, I'm not offended, I don't spend every waking hour anymore feeling hurt and neglected I've just let go of my past and live for my small family of 5 now that's all.

I'm sure I'll never hear the end of this, but that's just how I feel about it. I figured some people would enjoy hearing about letting go of the past and moving onto a bigger better future and I hope this helps people understand their relationships with into their own families.

Also remember someone loves you, within your own family no matter what. Someone loves you and is always watching out for you.

Hope that left you on a positive note. As for this tired mama I'm going to bed at 3:00 am with the hopes that Alexander, Layoni, and Aiden will sleep through the whole night (especially since they are all sick). Wish me luck.

Things To Come

Good Evening my loyal readers,
I have noticed that most of you check in regularly to see if I have had the passion and drive at the end of the night to write about how my day has gone.

Well let me tell you, over the last few weeks tons has happened.

Aiden went in for surgery June 7th - undescended testis
recovered no complications
We moved from our tiny (quickly cramping) apartment in Oregon to a large townhouse in Maryland
that road trip was fun. I want to do that again .... not.
We got to see family and friends at the best of times and at the worst of times and we all came out bigger better people for it.
I have now moved into a new ward and am trying my hardest to find my place in all of it, yet again.
We went to six flags three days after moving here. That was so fun.
 I want to tell you all about the moves we've made since Zaq and I are celebrating our 10 years anniversary.
Tomorrow is my birthday, which is cool, no big deal, just another day and another dollar down the drain, but I'm making enchiladas and getting cheesecake with my father in law visiting. Totally fun spending time with family and the craziness that is brought on with three wild children running around the house.
Hyrum and I have been having fun making jokes at Zaq for being a tight penny pincher and an old fuddy duddy, but we still love him.
It's been fun living here in Maryland so far, I've fallen in love with the humidity (everyone tells me that my love for it will dwindle) We've had some nice rain showers and I've heard a couple of bolts of thunder and lightning both of which I've loved my whole life. Although every time I step out on the patio to listen and watch the rain Garth Brooks song "to make you feel my love" pops into my head and I start humming it to Alexander.
Alexander is growing like a weed and which each passing day comes another tooth and more hair. We're up to 8 now and he's only 10 months.
Layoni has been all sorts of up and down this past week, she's been extra clingy towards Zaq, every time he would walk off in the amusement park she got upset about it because she wanted to be with him everywhere he went.
Aiden has coped with the new space very well. He loves going upstairs only to chase his sister down the stairs and race. His new catch phrase...... "I won" even though he's the only one racing.

I'm doing well just going from day to day trying to make sense of how I want everything laid out in the house. We bought a kallax shelf from Ikea just yesterday in fact. I love it!!! It holds all our board games and stuff. I even realized that there are actually two more boxes of board games that are missing from the current collection that just got unpacked.

It's been nice getting back into our old routine of dinners and lunches. Believe me living off of munchies in a van for a week is not my cup of tea. That being said when we arrived to Maryland I noticed that there was a pei wei really close to us, and I got super excited for their food again. mmmmm chinese food. But when we finally got to go I found the food to be lack luster, it passed for food, but it wasn't the greatest. I ordered the sushi which wasn't Greshams Sushi Village Happy Hour sushi. 1.95 per roll. mmmm Sunside Rolls, and Lion King Rolls, and Pepper Tuna Rolls. Damn it now I'm hungry.

As an early birthday present my father in law and his family gifted us with all the stuff they didn't want in their move from the east coast to the west coast coming this August. I'm excited for it all, but when the movers arrived and kept bringing boxes and furniture into our apartment I was both excited and alarmed at all the new things I am now in charge of maintaining. :D All new things that good of course.

Before we left from Gresham, Oregon Zaq and I finished our classes through the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints about starting our own businesses. I think I want to go through the material again and pick up some more pointers. Maybe all post all the info here for everyone to view. Although to be honest it can all be found on LDS.org. But it was soooo much for to participate together working towards a common goal.

Anyway all things to come. Spoilers or cliff hangers one or the others.

Much Love tonight,
Chris

Ojai, California

So, the first five years of marriage is great for most people. These five years will either make or break you. I found out that on the hard edge of being a teenager that adulthood is nothing to be celebrating.

Ojai, California Just outside of town little walking park

Ojai, California Main Street

Zaq and I had just gotten married, we were living in Ojai, California.

This is a small rendering of our first apartment. I loved it. I was going to turn it into the cover of Desert Book Catalog. We barely had any furniture. I was lucky at the time Zaq picked out this apartment and began paying for it before we got married, it was a complete surprise for me to come to our first home together. I both loved and hated being there.

Our first living room. I was the one that started our
DVD/Blu ray collection. Now we just use the Firestick
with the Terrium App. Check out that old school television.

Ahh, I miss that couch. Nothing says comfy couch like levi.

I loved being a new wife that didn't have to work, I waited all day long for my hubby to come home and be with me. I loved putting on my little duty hat and pretending that the house actually needed to be cleaned, we didn't have any kids at the time so looking back and pretending to clean that apartment was an accurate statement. I tried playing chef, but the best meals I could come up with were spaghetti with marinara sauce or quesadillas. As a wedding gift I even got a cook book, but I was too intimated to make any of the meals from Better Homes and Garden First Cook Book. That book to me still is intimating.

Kitchen Entry Island
I miss that Island

Kitchen Area

Hey look for once clean dishes.
I think that was the only time I actually
did dishes without a never ending battle.

Our Dining Area

I loved being so in love that when Zaq would come home the kisses were passionate like they always are in the beginning of any relationship. The long kisses and holding each other and just laying next to each other. Ahh the romance. But for me it was completely different. I loved Zaq and Zaq loved me, but sex wasn't sex for me, for me it was a time where Zaq was in control and I would lay there lifeless. I hated sex my brain just couldn't shut off every time was a process for me to wrap my head around. Zaq would try so hard to make me happy and to get me to enjoy sex and I couldn't. I couldn't figure it out, this was a our first real time trying for sex, for those orgasms that every other woman could have. Not me, there was something wrong with me. We would try different ways of enjoying sex and I couldn't do it. Zaq could always finish, but not me. Zaq would try stimulating me in other areas in other ways and I just couldn't handle it. I would utterly shut down.

ah reflecting 10 years later, one dresser with
 three drawers lol. Plus listening to music
before bedtime to help you fall asleep.

Such a small laundry list

ahh back when we tried to sleep under the same blanket.
We discovered we're burrito baby sleepers
separate blankets for everyone lol.

There was also part of me that hated this apartment. I hated living in Ojai because Zaq would leave for work then come home. He would come home from work so stressed over his job that playing video games was his way of dealing with the stress. Something I could never understand I had observed other marriages where when the spouses come home after a long days work they sit down and spend time with their families watching the news or some melodrama television. Not go in another room and play video games with their brothers. At that time Zaq and his brothers were playing a game called Warhammer Online. One would play a tank, another a healer, and the last warrior, now for those that don't video game this is called the holy trinity of gaming where you go in and kill everything in your path while having a body guard and healer. This was Zaq's way of dealing with the stress from his job, but this wasn't something I was a part of. I hated it. I hated watching him do something in our home without me. Isn't it enough that he got to leave the apartment and interact with other people? What was worse was we were living in Ojai California, I knew no one, I didn't even know how to find a Wendy's. I knew where the grocery store was, I knew where the McDonalds and Taco Bell was, partially because they were right next door to each other, but other than that I was in a whole new place and I couldn't for the life of me figure out where anything was.

Shower

So little space for such a small couple lol

Self Reflection 2008

Luckily Jackie lived 8 blocks from our apartment. She was living in a house owned by her father. She lived there with a few of her other children. First there was Jesse and Rosanna they had been married for a few years he was working as a special effects artist but was in between landing his big break. Joe and Arissa lived there as well they had been married 4 months before we were. They were both working at the Ojai Valley Inn and Spa as well and enjoying being newly weds without having to worry about money. Jackie had been raised in Ojai and knew a lot of the families in our ward. I was such a small little tiny mouse at the time that I don't even remember one name of someone that I might have met there at the time. Jackie had a calling to make sure that the missionaries had somewhere to go for meals. I loved that, because whenever they didn't have somewhere to go they would either land at Jackie's house and we would all join her, or they would land at my house and I got to play special little house wife and make sure that dinner was planned out in just the right time.

Lookout at Ojai, CA

Vineyards of Oaji, California

In this apartment is also where I experienced my first real earth quake. It was hilarious because I was sitting at home and suddenly I felt something like a giant pushing around one of the apartment walls, just one big push and then it was all over.

Then after three months of living in Ojai Zaq came home and announced that he had been laid off. The company realized that three managers in Inn room dining was one too many. Luckily the company didn't want Zaq to sue for wrongful termination so they gave a generous severance package. I call this time in my life our real honeymoon.

After coming home that night and announcing that Zaq had lost his job we came up with a game plan. We went and approached Jackie to see if we can move in with her, what was one more couple in the house? Well Arissa was acting Matriarch of the house at the time, she was planning on turning Zaq's old room into her office and didn't want her plans to be interrupted. She offered us another room in the house, a room without a door, it was a pool room that was attached to the living room. It had no door, just a sliding access door to the back yard and a front door that was accessed through the living room. Arissa and Zaq are brother and sister, but could never see eye to eye with each other on their decisions, so Zaq moved up and moved on and decided that the best place for us to be then was back in Utah.

Back in the day when we all lived in Ojai we all made a tradition of going to get dinner together for Taco Tuesdays. Loved this place. Loved hanging with these folks.

Jesse, Rosanna, Jackie and Hyrum

Joe, Arissa, Me, and Zaq

Vent Session. Right Now. BIG Ol BITCH FEST.

Alright so I've a beef with the great man upstairs.

I've been married for 10 years. 10 whole years of getting to know one another. Our pros, our cons. The words of Henry Higgins I've grown accustomed to [his] face. (One my favorite musicals as a personal side note). But seriously this has got to be the joke of the century right?

So Zaq and I have been married 10 years. When we first enjoyed that first year of marital bliss he idealized what kind of dad he would be. He wanted to be one of those dads whose kids are excited to see when he comes home. (Which they are)

He used to say that when we would have kids that I could stay at home with the kids and that when he would arrive home that would be when he would take over the responsibilities of being a parent and give me a break. Rarely Happens. Like tonight. I was hoping to get a certain part of the house cleaned up, but as usual Alexander our 8 month old son just wanted Mommy so I caved and feed him and cuddled him, tried putting him down, but that wasn't about to happen on Alexander's watch. So I check in with Zaq to see if he can put on his dad hat so that I can put on my maid hat and work, but did that work. THAT'S A BIG OL' NO.

Let me have a girls night so that he can have a boys night. Today was the first time in three months I left the house for two hours I was gone all by myself ..... Oh wait no I wasn't I had to take Alexander because when I leave Alexander with Zaq Alexander wigs out and just cries the whole time I'm gone.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. I'm happy they are here. I hope in the future that this parenting job that I signed up for gets easier.

Or at least when they get older they are not so clinging. Oh wait. My favorite moment from today we were all watching Cars 3, I had just gotten back from visiting a friend who just had her brand new baby (which I got to hold, and can I just say "OMGoodness Babies are soooo tiny and cute, made me want a new one all over again, but luckily I'm not baby hungry right now with three kids that are so dependent upon me to provide for them) and I walk in and all of sudden Aiden our 5 year old jumps into my arms to be held, followed by our two year old, Layoni. Which as a mom you want that relationship with our kids. But as I sat down to get comfy and enjoy the movie Aiden just wanted to snuggle with me. Then about ten minutes into getting comfy with Zaq, Me and Aiden Layoni wants to join the cuddle fest so we make room for her to snuggle Zaq, but she doesn't want that either. So I'm snuggling two kids on my lap and Zaq is sitting there solo on the couch watching Cars 3.

Like don't get me wrong I feel bad for the guy that his kids don't like him as much as they love Mom because lets be realistic here I'm a doormat that lets them get away with everything because I just want them to behave with me. So punishments are less severe with Mom than when they are with Dad. But man does that make it tough on Mama.

Zaq claims I'm just a big Ol' Mama Bear that doesn't let go of my kids ever. But I don't think that true I'm constantly yelling at my kids to behave and stop acting like a "BUTTHEAD" a common word said around the house. Butthead. even now I'm laughing about it.

Don't get me wrong Ladies and Gentlemen I'm very lucky to have married Zaq. He has provided for me for 10 years. For 10 long years I've never had to get a job, unless I've really wanted one.

But in that 10 years he's been able to ditch the kids to further his career. What career can I take away from my experience with Aiden, Layoni, or Alexander. None. They had this cool seminar at the library about child care and child development mentally and physically that I was really interested in. Two hours once a month. that's it, and I couldn't even make that.

I remember finally consenting to having kids and I'm still happy I had my kids, they are awesome kids with awesome personalities but for reals when did I sign the paper work for 24 hour 7 days a week job? I thought I signed up with a partner that would help me with our kids, not just pay all the bills. Which I'm grateful for.

The turn side about my vent session is that I guess things could always be worse. I could be married to a man that enjoys partying and is never home. But that's not the case he's home every night. I could always be married to man that is 24/7 his career. But I'm not I married a man who enjoys video gaming and has shown that to our children and they enjoy sitting with him and watching him play video games.

I guess what I'm really venting is just the normal stuff that happens in an everyday relationship. Right?

Well from One Mama to the next. I think it's time for girls night soon.

Driving

So today's blog is something that most people do on a daily basis.

I've been driving since the day I turned 16 years old. I wanted to drive so badly that I went to summer school for my drivers ed class in High School. Although back then when I was first learning to drive I was extremely nervous which in my opinion makes for a cautious driver which means that they will be safer, but in all likeliness it's probably more dangerous to have a cautious driver that doesn't know when to merge or change lanes with other cars around.

Now when I was 16 we lived in Salt Lake City. Now if you have ever driven around Salt Lake City you know that there are certain parts of town that slow down just to accommodate those special people that can't merge. Like 2100 South and 1300 East by the KFC. It slows down traffic all the time because no one can calculate how to merge the lane together that quickly after a light.

Now one memory I have from my drivers ed days was it was my turn to drive on the freeway so my instructor had us all load up in the car and drive up 1-80 east. We had just pulled over from the on ramp and it was my turn to begin driving. I got in the drivers seat. Buckled up, because you know when the adults are watching you have to follow the rules. Made sure all the mirrors were aligned with my short stature vision. Then I began to proceed. But all of sudden the car stopped going, then it would go again, then it would stop again, then it would go again, back and forth, back and forth. Yeah my instructor wanted to make sure I wasn't stressed out so he decided to pull a prank on me. Luckily I figured it out and we proceeded to go forward with me freeway time.

Now I've lived in four different states with different driving experiences. Living in Utah taught me how to be cautious because people be crazy and pissed off like no other. Dang people in Utah are angry drivers, although technically speaking I was one to join them. PEOPLE Drove me nuts. They would drive slow, or not proceed into the middle of an intersection at a left hand turn light. People would cut me off in down town provo just to get a parking spot. Lets see my mom can totally agree with me that my kids learned how to swear because of the way I drove around Provo cursing people out for being retarded.

Now when I first moved out to Ojai, California I was shy and timid and never, seriously NEVER drove anywhere. I didn't know where to go, and didn't have anywhere I needed to go so I never drove, which is totally discouraging now that I think about it, because I wasn't that confident in California. Luckily we only lived there for three months, so I was able to over come that challenge the next time.

Back in Utah living in Salt Lake City no one would use their turn signals or turn indicators lol they would just go whatever way they wanted and didn't care. Although for that year it was called our honeymoon year because Zaq didn't have to work for a year, and most of driving happened at night to do a food run, and blockbuster run. Back when Blockbuster actually existed. Ahhh Awesome times.

Denver Colorado Temple

Then came Colorado I loved driving around Colorado. By the time we left Colorado I was just enjoying my drive from work and back. Across the secluded train area, and some empty landscapes around the town of Littleton. I loved it. I miss it sometimes. Plus driving pass the Littleton, Colorado Temple was awesome. One of the coolest temple experiences I had in Colorado was actually while driving.

Something people might not know is that when temples are closed for whatever reason and they are actually closed for more than two weeks they actually turn off the lights to the temple. I never knew this. The lights of the Salt Lake City Temple have been on since the day I was born and it will probably be on till the day it gets taken over my the aliens lol. But anyway, I just remember everyday driving passed this beautiful temple as it reminded me that Christ is always with me no matter what. But then one evening as Zaq and I were driving home from a long day at work the lights were off. All that was left was a dark whole. Something was missing. It was a like a dark void in the space it was so weird. Now for those that aren't LDS I can understand the confusion. But for Mormons an absence of the temple lights affects us in different was.

But now living in Oregon I love driving around town. Luckily I never go anywhere without our trusty driving google directions app. We have loved driving around Oregon. Around the wine country while on our way from the beach. Or driving to the Clackamas Costco through beautiful farm country with the healthiest looking cows we've ever seen. Or driving through beautiful forests around town. I LOVE driving around Oregon. Although there is one down side when you get closer to portland the freeway becomes a bit more difficult to manage. Like today we had a doctors visit and THANK GOD Zaq took the day to help get us there. but as we were on our way home Zaq quickly had to merge onto a freeway exist. As he cut across three lanes without killing us he kept saying in his calm apologetic voice. I'm sorry. I'm an ass hole driver. I'm sorry. I'm an asshole. Pleasantly enough no one honked at us. No one gave us the finger, everyone understood what had happened and let us in the lane that we needed and everyone was very pleasant about it. I'm grateful for Oregon's calm drivers. Although it helps that Oregon's freeway speeds are 50 and 55 miles an hour unlike Utah's 80 mph freeway speeds.

But this is my point. Please be safe out there. Take the time to let someone in. You don't know what's happening the car next you. Maybe their kid is having a melt down. Maybe they are rushing to the hospital. Maybe someone has to pee really bad. Just be safe and kind to one another. That's what I'm trying to say today.

Be safe out there to all my readers.

Our next big driving experience will be driving cross country to Maryland. Coming this July

Potty Training

Alright in honor of this my fifth mothers day I'm actually going to write about potty training my kids. Since I have potty trained both a boy and a girl I am now an expert. NOT. I am just like everyone else struggling to figure out how many times I have to tell my child not to pee on the carpet or floor, but to pee in the toilet. hahaha

Aiden

Alright well any good Mother's Day blog should start with the oldest and it should always start with baby pictures. This is Aiden when he was around 1 month old. Back when I cared about having a hat on his head. Although he was born in January in Utah, that boy couldn't go anywhere for the first three months of his life without being overly covered to combat sickness and the cold of Utah.

Aiden around 2 years old

So when it came to potty training I always thought that dad's should train boys and mom's should train girls on how to use the bathroom. Now as Aiden is approaching 5 years old he's getting mad that whenever I have to take him to the restroom to use the facilities he reminds me that he's a boy and not a girl. It's amazing the thing that boy notices.

When I was beginning to potty train Aiden I thought at the age of two was a good age to grasp the concept of using the porcelain goddess that the age of 2 was a good age to start. Plus this was when i was pregnant with Layoni quickly approaching and I didn't want two children in diapers.

Aiden and Layoni chilling on the couch

So I pushed and shoved Aiden into using the toilet and letting me know that he had to use the potty. I would ask him every twenty minutes. I thought it was going well. He would always have dry diapers during nap time and over night that was never the issue. But for whatever reason at the age of 2 he wasn't ready. He just didn't understand where to go so the carpet was the next logical place. So I quickly gave up on trying to push him into something that he wasn't ready for.


That is my first piece of advise for mom's getting ready to potty train their children. If your child isn't ready to go potty stop trying to force them. All it's going to result in you wanting to pull your hair out and your child feeling like a failure because they don't understand the concept.

Aiden and Layoni playing on the tablet

So back to our story, I waited another 6 months or so and backed off of Aiden trying to use the toilet. Then one day we went to the store and I bought him some big boy underwear and he loved it, so we went two weeks buck naked around the house and he picked it up *snap fingers* like that. No more accidents, No more oops I peed on the floor.

Piece of advise number 2. Let your kids run around naked, completely naked, for two weeks so that they don't have to worry about underwear or pants when they are already trying to figure out how to pee.

Layoni age 12 months

Now it is becoming Layoni's turn to go through the potty training process. I tried at 2 and 6 months. She didn't want anything to do with. I would go up to her every 20 minutes, do you need to go potty? Twenty minutes later Hey Layoni do you need to go potty? then 10 minutes after I went and sat down *pee* "Mommy, Layoni peed on the floor" "thank Aiden"

Aiden and Layoni

With Layoni I actually got suckered into buying a big huge box of Pull ups from Costco none the less. Worst purchase ever. I bought the box put the pull ups on Layoni and she totally just kept peeing in the pull up. I think because they feel just like diapers. I would tell her over and over again do you need to go potty. Just let me know and she never figured out how to tell me that she needed to go potty.

Aiden, Layoni and Alexander Christmas 2017

Advise number 3. Never buy pull ups. They are just trying to steal your money.


Yeah that was not pleasant to experience. So I had to take my own advise clearly she is not ready or wanting to potty train right now so I decided to wait. Then one day we went shopping and found some little Minnie Mouse and Paw Patrol girl underwear. Bought it and tried to entice her to wear them. At first she was resistant to the idea, but then as she started to identify who the characters actually were she became more excited about wearing them.

The whole family at the
Portland Temple Visitors Center

Back in the day when I first started potty training Aiden I bought this toy toilet, more of a practice toilet, but miniature for kids. Aiden always used it as a toy. To this day he never peed in that sucker or pooped in it either.  Just went straight to toilet. Well I pulled it out of storage for Layoni and she LOVED peeing in it. I'm still trying to figure out how I am going to transition her to the adult toilet. My next adventure, but I'm in no big hurry. Remind me I said this the next time I'm complaining about cleaning up diarrhea or something.

Surprisingly she's becoming very girly. She likes her nails painted, and her hair done, and of course I've taught her to show off to daddy, because every little girl needs to be told from her daddy that she's beautiful.

Alexander (in the little mirror in the corner) Aiden and Layoni

But then after two weeks of no accidents and running errands and thinking YES she's potty trained. She goes in her little toilet and then comes and tells me that she has gone pee. I don't have to remind her, or tell her to go pee. She just takes care of it herself. LOVE IT. So I convinced Zaq to spend some money (believe doing that is like prying his wallet open with a crow bar, especially for toys Oh My Goodness) but needless to say we convince him that she's been great, we should totally reward her for this behavior. So we walk all over walmart, I mean up and down all the aisles of toys. Playing with them and even pulling some down from the upper shelves to see if there is anything that she just simply can't live without. But everything she just puts back on the shelves when we say that it's time to move on. So defeated we didn't buy her anything. I don't know what happened, but the for the next 48 hours she wouldn't pee in her toilet. She peed in nursery. She peed at her babysitters. She peed in front of my computer, even though she was at home and knew where to go potty. I couldn't believe. I don't know what happened whether she knew she was suppose to bring home a reward and that didn't happen or she was just defeated, but this week has been better. No more accidents. Pooping the little toilet and all that jazz, so we'll see if I can convince Zaq to go out and try the reward thing again.

Parenting advise number 4. Reward your kids for the milestones that they accomplish, I'm not saying go out and have a million dollar party, or spend hundreds of dollars on them, but something that lets them know that they are doing good and that they are making right choices are good to let them know.

But that's this little family wrapped up in the nutshell. To the mother's out there with crazy home lives. Happy Mother's Day. To the women out there without children be patient one day it will happen, i know it's not what you want to hear, but I completely understand how you feel that anger in the pit of your stomach that just makes you angry at everything around you. Been there believe me. To those that have lost hope of having children tomorrow is always a new day and if your not careful it could lead to something amazing. To women everywhere Happy Woman's Day lets stand united and celebrate the fact that we're alive and able to breathe.

Happy Mother's/Woman's Day

My religious choices

I recently have been reviewing old journals and diaries that I have kept since becoming a married lady and found a few things that I would like to share with you.

So my religious experiences begin with my Grandma Judy. This is what I can remember, but I'm sure my mom will remind me that we attended church in San Jose, California, but since I have absolutely no memories of that experience I will write about the memories of church that I do have.

Grandma Judy and I attending Easter Service

My religious experiences begin with my Grandma Judy who decided around the age of 8 or 9 to start attending church with me on Easter. It was always Easter that she would go, no other days.

She would choose a church that she wanted to see and go to their service for that day. She wasn't too particular about which church we choose to attend, as long as it wasn't the Mormon church. Hey what can I say, we were in Utah every block has a Mormon church on it, but once you enter into the real world you begin to realize that only in Utah do they dominate what is happening in your neighborhoods.

John and Judy were always a great example to me of how to follow Christ. They joined a bible study group around this time and attended weekly bible class and even joined this group on a trip to Jerusalem. They were both baptized in the Jordan River. Which to me was the coolest thing to do, and to follow Christ's example.

Great Grandma Peterson, Grandpa John, me and Grandma Judy
my baptism in 1996

Later on in life when I was living in West Valley, Utah in a trailer park the Elders found me and baptized me as a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints. The only person in our family that was active in the LDS church was my Great Grandma Peterson (as shown in the picture) a sweet lady that lived in Utah as well.

Now, living in Utah you are either a Mormon and live your life by those guidelines and if you're not a Mormon then you go through your whole life trying to figure out your place while living in Utah.

Now when I was 9 years old, I believe that I was baptized as a way to get attention from other people rather than my parents. I was living in West Valley at the time, which meant that I was living with my mom and my step dad. Not bad people by any means, but an unhappy situation for me growing up. At the start of my parents coming off a two year separation those were good times, family events, holidays, and happy memories, but those soon fade with times of trouble.

By the time I was getting baptized I was just trying to figure out who I am, and trying to get attention from other people that wasn't my family. Everyone has that special child that thrives for attention from other people no matter how much attention you give them yourselves. My children are pros at this right now. Aiden hams it up on camera every time we turn on a live feed camera for facetime or streaming time he just loves to see what his face looks like on the camera. Layoni craves attention at church so she wiggles all over the place to get peoples attention so that she can get away from Mom and Dad and go sit with other families. Alexander isn't this bold yet, he just makes eye contact and gives anyone that looks at him the biggest smile he can issue. Zaq used to unleash his pet bird when people were over to visit his house in order to get attention. Everyone craves attention from other people. No one likes to be invisible.

But progressing on with my church experiences. So attending church with my Grandma to begin with, showing me that there is always more than one religion out there. Showing me that more than one type of people worship Christ. Because without Christ there is no great atoning sacrifice that we must be grateful for. Now I'm pissing off my atheist friends who believe that Christ never existed at all and that religion is over rated. Yes I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I have friends that are atheist. I love them, and they love me. We can happily talk religion, but we never argue about it. They have their opinions and I have mine. I respect that. Some Mormons in Utah don't understand how to respect people and their choices in this life.

So after I was baptized in the Church I became inactive because my
mom and step dad never wanted to attend church with me, and because we were in West Valley and town flooded with Spanish speaking wards only I never felt confident in attending by myself. It would take two other individuals to get me to go to church.

Mark Ottesen

Tina Rateau now

Mark and Tina Ottesen they lived in a house across the street from my grandparents at the time. They met me because I was playing in the street with another elderly neighbor. Apparently there were no kids in my neighborhood at the time. So Mark met me first and then I met his wife Tina. They invited me to church and I began attending church with them starting around the age of 12. Which is the age where the children begin to go into Young Men and Young Woman's programs for their teenage "confinement" period lol.

These two quickly became what felt like a second set of parents to me. Whenever I was bored I would just go hang out them. Tina taught me how to cook and do service projects for people around the neighborhood. And Mark loved to hear a good joke even if it was a child's joke. These two had 40 something nieces and nephews whom they adored and loved.

Surprisingly enough when these two weren't around to attend church with me, I would just by myself in order to get away from my West Valley house, which meant that on top of driving me to Salt Lake City every day of the week, I now forced my mom to drive up on Sundays as well. Thanks mom. I love you.

But as a teenager you are given the opportunity to go do baptisms for the dead. Which believe as beneficial to the dead. Those that have died without given the opportunity to receive the gospel. They are now given the opportunity in the after life that they  are experiencing to accept the gospel and Christ as their redeemer.

Something that caught me off guard in an interview with the bishopric at the time was a few questions they asked me the first was "Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?" Now upon reviewing this questions because to me at first glance it's asking members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church? to me it almost felt like they are trying to see what's going on in my house with my family, but upon reading further you understand YOUR CONDUCT. How do you treat your family? Do you treat your family in the harmony of the teachings of the church?

And the other one that threw me at first was "Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individaul whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints?" To me that seems like a very daunting question to ask a 12 year old. I had to be honest in my answering of this question. I do and will always support my family in their choices that they make, I may not agree with them at times, but that doesn't mean I disown them for those choices. The bishopric agreed with me.  Something that is hard for people to understand is that people are human we are all prone to err. There is nothing wrong with that.

Just because my family aren't Mormons doesn't mean that I should never talk to them again, and currently I feel very different about family since having my own kids and what not, but that has never stopped me from loving them and respecting their choices in this life.

I have lots of friends that aren't members of the Church and I respect them for their choices in this life. Something my grandpa shared with me as a kid was that as long as you believe in Christ and what he has done for you. You'll go to heaven. I loved that idea.

And as usual in most classes and lectures in the church I'm running late for a meeting so I'll close this post with my testimony. I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I believe that the living prophet Russel M. Nelson guides this church on its true path toward Christ. I believe in Christ and his atoning sacrifice that all our sins can and will be forgiven as long as we repent and ask for forgiveness.
Amen

the beginning and the end

So this blog is dedicated to the feelings that we all have when it comes to death and life.

Alright so a lot of things are currently happening in my life that this post will cover. I just hope that I can contain all comments and thoughts into a coherent statement.

So one thing that is happening this weekend is that my grandmother is finally moving to Salt Lake City from Wickenburg Arizona she will no longer be a migratory bird that flies away at the first sign of bad weather in Utah. I am so happy for her to be able to move back to Utah where she can be close to her youngest son, and youngest grandchild. I love that she has this opportunity to live where she pleases.

There is a down side to her moving it means that the house that my grandma and grandpa purchased together will no longer be available for us to visit. Which in all actually hasn't happened in almost 10 years. My grandpa died 12 years ago this July, and I can't help but see him down in Wickenburg Arizona. He lived down there for like three years by himself before my grandma could retire and join him down there. So every Holiday or four day weekend was a constant trip down to Arizona. Even my cousin and I remember having summer vacations with just Grandpa for the summer months down in Arizona. But it's over now. I think it hit me again today that my Grandpa really is gone. He would have been 79 this year, but alas I didn't celebrate him. I remembered him for a fleeting moment, but as life does one of the kids distracted me from a full moments remembrance for the man.

Coincidentally enough I actually got married on this death date two years later without even thinking about. But back to my point is that when death hits our families we can go about it one of two ways. We can give up all hope and fall into the depths of despair at the lose of our family member and the fact that some people believe that we will never see that person again. On the other side some people exhibit faith and hope that there is more to this life than just this. Some like me believe that life is eternal that through the atonement of Jesus Christ we can live again.

Now up to this point on this blog I have been silent about my religion because it me it wasn't anything that I should preach about it. I've lived all my life in Utah and in Utah there are two types of people. People that are Mormon and people that aren't. People that aren't Mormon don't want to hear about Mormons because they are constantly bombarded by Mormons. But now that I no longer live in Utah and people are open to what I have to say I am more willing and able to talk about my religion, my beliefs and weird things that I believe in.

Now that being said I'm not one of those typical Mormons that won't talk to you even if you tell me that you're atheist believe me I respect all other religions. Just because we say that our church is the one true church doesn't mean that we are trying belittle your religion. We say that because we believe that our church has the true gospel of Christ. Now if your Jewish or whatever I'm not gonna go out and have a heated argument about religion because to me there is more there is more to a person than just their religious beliefs. This is something important that my grandpa taught me. Just because he didn't believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints doesn't mean that he didn't believe in Jesus Christ himself. Surprisingly enough to my family my grandpa was a spiritual man that did believe in the after life. He even had us read a poem about how he's not sleeping in his grave and that we shouldn't weep for him.

A few nights before he actually pasted away I got the opportunity to sit and visit with him one last time because in the back of my mind I knew that I wouldn't get the opportunity again. So I went to the hospital where he was staying and just had to sit and visit with him. I began crying, which for my grandpa was blackmail. He hated to see people cry because it made him feel so uncomfortable. But I cried anyway and told him of my feelings that I felt that it would be the last thing we would do together. He sympathized with me and told me to stop crying because he believed that he would still be there in the after life. He told me that it was selfish of me to cry for those that have died because it's just us missing them. And those that have died and departed this earthly life are living in paradise.

A prophet by the name of Joseph Smith said "The telestial kingdom is so great, if we knew what it was like we would kill ourselves to get there." Now for those of you that don't know this phrase go find an LDS missionary, those are the ones with name tags on their chests walking all around the globe. You can ask them and they'll tell you what I'm talking about in a heart beat. But essentially what it is, is the lowest level of heaven that we believe is attainable in the after life.

But anyway back to the subject on point there are many things in this life that can lead someone to be depressed and dwell upon their own life and feel inadequate but what I suggest people do if forget themselves, go find someone that needs help and help that person. Currently whenever I feel depressed about our financial situation (because it's not perfect) I focus on what do my kids need right this moment .... Breakfast? Lunch? Dinner? they need a little me time? Okay great. They need help turning on cartoons, alright that is my form of service right now. But one day I hope to do more, to be more, but until that day happens all I can do is just keep swimming, just keep swimming. 

So step out of your funk and go about your day with a light in your step and know that God is with you in all things.

The Village Part 2

As many of you recall I wrote about my childhood and the village that it took to raise me.

I am going to tell you the story of my future. We'll see if any of it comes true or not. This is honestly my hopes and dreams for the next 5 to 10 years. I have grand illusions that I hope will come true.

Zaq and his 6 siblings
Arissa, Jesse
Aaron and Zaq
Stephanie, Richard and Hyrum

So my husband was born into a large family. A Dad and Mom that love their kids like crazy and just want them to experience the most out of life. Jesse came first served in the Marines and now works around the world for Industrial Light and Magic his dream job. Arissa arrived next she has two sons and is living in Texas taking over the real estate industry and selling like a mad man. Zaq came after that he served a mission in New Zealand and has worked for 20 years doing job after job trying to be able to provide for his family. Aaron followed shortly after and is a successful entrepreneur. Stephanie followed Aaron and she's living in Nevada right now finding herself. Then my in laws decided to have one more kid, which turned into twins. Hyrum and 4 minutes later Richard. I have never experienced a family this large just trying to succeed at life and the trials that come with it.

My mom and I

For me it's always just me and my mom taking on the world and trying not to kill each other when we each hit our cycles. Which has suited us until I got married. I have learned that with life comes the challenge of making people happy. But the thing is you can't make everyone happy. You can only make yourself happy. I would love to say that I am staying in Oregon and that we found a perfect house and Zaq is getting a better job than the one he's got right now, but that's just not what is happening.

Our situation is one that is hard to speak about so I haven't said too much. We moved out to Oregon with the plan that a roommate we housed in our first apartment in Utah would be employing Zaq as a Vice President of his company a posh title with a beautiful salary that was suppose to provide for this family. But the second we moved out here the job was lost. Our roommate severed all communication with us. He logs into facebook everyday and almost everyday I tell him good morning. I am one of those people that feels the need to have everyone like me. Now to my family this behavior seems nuts, but to me I know our friend means to do the best that he can, but for whatever reason things just fell through and rather than talk about it because he "song failed" he'd rather avoid the situation all together. A crappy situation, but Zaq and I don't hold any hard feelings towards our friend. We just pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off again. It's just the way we roll. During this time we've had the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints help in covering the money we lack to pay for our bills. We're hoping that by moving to Maryland this will cease to be an issue.

Joe (Arissa's husband) Arissa, Me and Zaq

Jesse, Rosanna (Jesse's Wife) Jackie and Hyrum

So my first experience with Zaq's village happened roughly 10 years ago. When we first got married we lived in Ojai California. We found a nice little apartment not too far away from Zaq's family that was all living with Jackie (Zaq's mom). In a little house that she was renting lived Jesse and Rosanna, Joe and Arissa, and Hyrum. I couldn't believe that so many people could live together without wanting to kill each other. Plus on top of that everyone had their own room with a door that always seemed shut. It was so foreign me to understand siblings. When Zaq and I were dating and we in the middle of our long distance relationship I would visit California every two months or so and to have Zaq followed around by his little brother Hyrum seemed so weird and strange to me. Now I understand that Hyrum would follow him like a puppy because Hyrum only wanted to be like his older brother. This was our weekly ritual go to dinner together. I believe this picture was taken on our last night of dinners together. I miss all these people so much. Just low key people that just want to live and be the best that they can be. Their rule in the house. No Drama. There were no problems back then it seemed. Just solid, down to earth people. But of course Zaq and I would move back to Utah only after living in California for three months. I felt bad, but Zaq felt (yes he follows his gut about where we should move and what is best for our family) that moving to Utah would be a good idea. So we moved back to Utah. We lived there for a year before Jackie and her beau came for a visit around the 2009 General Conference session in Salt Lake City. Jackie had told us how everyone had moved to Colorado and that not everyone was happy in their situation. So Zaq felt like being the galant hero and trying to rescue his mom from her situation.

David, Jackie and I Temple Square October 2009

Zaq, Arissa, Richard and Aaron
Poker night

So in 2009 we moved out to Colorado. We lived in a house with Arissa, Joe, Jackie, Zaq and I, then Hyrum moved in with us shortly after our arrival. We miraculously lived in harmony overall. We all lived with Arissa, so her rules ruled the house without question. But that was when Jackie and Hyrum and I got the idea to attend college. Jackie wanted to help Hyrum find a path in life. Help him find out what he wanted to do with his life. And I attended because I wanted to figure out what I wanted from this life. Did I want to become some successful CEO and take over the world? Did I want to become a nurse and tend to people in hospitals? Or did I just want to waste time until something else came along. I stupidly chose the later. I attended classes for a certificate in Medical Billing and Coding, but I could never understand how to code the first part of the doctors procedure. I could understand everything else. Just not that first part. And of course that coincided with us moving back to Utah because I was pregnant anyway so it became a moot point and just another 30,000 dollar debt that now my hubby has to pay off before we can actually ever buy our own house.

Zaq it's all fun and games until your wife puts your hair into pig tails
then it becomes hilarious

We actually tried again to live with Hyrum and Jackie and David when we were living to Provo, Utah, but no one could find a solid job that would provide for everyone so we split from the "group house" and went our separate ways for a few years. We took in Hyrum and I honestly can say I miss him, he was the perfect babysitter, hey look the kids are down for a nap I can run to the grocery store real quick and Hyrum can hold down the fort. It was nice, having one more person to help with the chores around the house. Plus the hilarious fun things like playing board games together or just vegging and watching a movie or tv show. But Hyrum wanted to join the Air Force and be the best that he could be. Jackie and David moved down to Ephraim, Utah and start being farmers. They rent a small apartment with a plot they've built for chickens and a small garden.

Aiden and Grandpa David gardening

So we're moving to Maryland to be closer to these awesome individuals that we've gone 4 years without living with. I think and hope and pray that we're doing the right thing for our family. It feels like a really good opportunity.

Zaq, Hyrum and Jackie
talking on the first night all of arrived in Colorado

This is the plan: For the first year Hyrum, Zaq, me and the kids are going to get a small apartment. Then in about a year or so David and Jackie are going to follow. Jackie and David want to help in taking care of the kids while doing missionary work at Ford Mead. What a blessing it will be to have in my life someone that will help comfort Alexander while I'm trying to do dishes. The pain of being a mom doing dishes for your family while you're six month old son cries his head off because you're not holding him. Plus because of Alexander's age I haven't been able to put Aiden first or Layoni first and get them in the right mind set of exploring the universe.

Zaq always use to tease me by saying that nothing compares to Washington DC and their museums, their fourth of July fireworks, their temple and their christmas temple lights, or the Cherry blossom festival. So now I get to experience those things with my kids.

I hope and wish and pray that I get to show the kids all the things that I could never even dream about seeing. Joseph Smith and Church history sites back east. Colonial sites. Let alone Gettysburg. Plus escaping and running away to New York to catch a Broadway play with my mother in law when we've gone crazy enough. I can't wait for my kids to experience a grandpa like what I did. I can't wait for them to have all these opportunities of learning and growing and for me to be able to put them first rather than putting the house work first, or their sibbling first. I'll have a village to help in raising my kids. A village that helps me and helps them. That have their own knowledge and experiences that they can pass down.

Aiden, Layoni and Alexander

To Aiden, Layoni, and Alexander. I want you to know that I love you, we're moving again, I know Aiden we keep moving, but mommy and daddy are really trying to find the best situation for us to raise you in. We're hoping that this it. Daddy has a job already lined up with a network friend he knows, so hopefully it lines up correctly and that we can do all the fun things we want to do more often. Aiden I want you to experience the most with living in Maryland and I hope I am able to teach you all the history that is so rich in this country. To Layoni I hope that I am able to teach you the same things and you can continue in your sweet and gentleness. Alexander I hope you grow up surrounded by your family and know that we all love you. 

To my Breeze Family in Utah - I love you, I'm sorry we're not moving back to Utah which is I know what your want, but its not something I want. At the end of the day the only thing I can be in control of is making myself happy. I can't make my mom happy, I can't make you happy that is something that you're in charge of.

To my Tuero Family that might read this - I'm sorry we're not closer. I could have gotten to know everyone and that I was raised with roots deep in this family, but just wasn't something that could have happened over night. But I am happy to know the family that I know and to be so loved with being an outsider. I love you all and hope to honor my father by loving my kids and making sure that they know who they are.

To my readers - sometimes in life you get run down by the everyday life of having a job that barely pays the bills or that barely gives you the bare essentials in this life. and who knows maybe you're wealthy beyond belief and are just reading this to reflect on how well you have it. To my readers just make yourself happy. I know that's a foreign concept to people, especially if you're anything like me. I am in the middle of trying to figure out what this move will bring to my life personally. I had a physical examination today and the doctor was asking me what do I do for physical exercise or weight control. And I truly couldn't answer her. I weigh 190 pounds, I've given up on looking like a super model. According to every study our there I'm obese, and the sad thing is I'm okay with it. Yeah sure I'd love to lose 50 pounds. But that would mean changing my eating habits (which lets be honest should really be changed, but I just don't want to) I eat eggos and nutella at least once every day. I have chocolate chip muffins for breakfast, I have a healthy turkey sandwich for lunch and whatever I choose to cook for dinner, which never has a single vegetable. Which means that my kids never eat vegetables. By the way just because I eat like a pig does not mean I feed my kids that crap. Luckily Aiden loves Bananas so we always have a supply of bananas around the house so when he gets hungry he gets a banana. And luckily God knows best because Alexander only gets the best nutrients from breast milk enough though I might not make the best choices when it comes to food. But hopefully once we get fully settled in Maryland I can begin focusing on better food, and better physical exercise for myself. I have gone 10 years in taking care of my husband and now my kids. I love that part of my life, but it would be nice to start working out in a gym or just walking without having a child strapped to my back for once. lol

Anyway I can hear Alexander getting hungry again. I look forward to the future and the new challenges that it will bring. I love traveling and the new atmosphere it provides.