My Village Part 1

After having an out pour of love and support for this blog from several of my family members I felt inclined tonight to write about my life.

Cathy was a single parent raising me throughout her life, but she relied on a village to help support where she would fall short. She would ask any time she couldn't completely be there for me she would ask someone in our village to be there. There is that old saying it takes a village to raise a child. So, I think it's time now to introduce my village.

Me with a bottle, circa 1989?

Christina Breeze, Alaska, 2007

So what does it take to get a child into an adult? a functioning member of society to help contribute and model what becomes of this earth?

My mom and me 2006

First you begin with a mom. This is my mom. Catherine K. Breeze Bustamante. I love her, she has the sweetest and kindest personality she is a loyal person once she lets you into her circle. But be aware if you ever want to leave that circle she'll never let you leave. As I'm learning. I've left the nest and she's still not let go of me. I have to, HAVE TO facetime with her every week and let her see my kids or she fears that she won't have a relationship with her grandchildren. Which simply isn't true, I know she'll yell at me later for it, but my kids know her, they love her, they can't wait to talk to her every week. It's a big deal to facetime with grandma Cathy.

So things my mom did for me.
Drove me to Salt Lake City from West Valley City, a thirty to forty-five minute drive depending on traffic, and then back home again. Every morning for school and on Sundays for church. She wanted me to grow up with nice friends and surrounded by nice people and that's how she accomplished it. She takes me out to dinner/lunch every birthday that she is around. She always tried to make the special occasions special. We were each others valentines for years. She would always get me a stuffed animal and card. I would get her maybe flowers, if I remembered. We almost grew up like sisters.

Christina, Cathy, Raphael, Pete, and Great Grandma Peterson
circa 1998?

Secondly on our tour, when you're mom tries to do it all she eventually thinks maybe a dad will help. Enter Raphael. My step-dad. Sleazy? yes. Currently hate his guts? yes absolutely. But did he teach me anything? absolutely. This man taught me how to respect my mom, and my family. I might not always agree with them, but never argue with them in public. Always respect your elders. Never touch anything that isn't yours. Never touch anything that you haven't been given permission to touch. Be grateful. Hug your family. Respect your mom. Never yell or talk back to your mom. Never waste food because somewhere in Mexico is a starving kid. He did know how to make the holidays extra special, Charge it to your credit card and let the good times begin.

When we first moved back to Salt Lake City from San Jose. I attended an elementary school in the sugar house area of Utah called Uintah Elementary. After school and during holidays I would spend my time with my great grandma Peterson. She was my first example of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We never attended together, but she encouraged me to have faith in Christ and be a member. She also would take me to Trolley Square. She couldn't drive anywhere, but that never stopped her from hopping onto the local bus route and making a few transfers in order to spend our afternoons at the mall. Nothing was ever purchased aside from lunch. But it was pleasure to behave for her. Never talk back. Help her get across the street because she had a cane and was a little slow in getting across the street in time, but oh so much fun to go to the mall with her.

Judy Breeze and I, New York City
celebrating me graduating High School

Next on our village tour is my grandmother. What an amazing woman and example to me of how to treat people with respect and how to interact with people. My grandma Judy did so much for me, I can never thank her enough for bringing me on her trips around the world. Because of her and my grandpa John I am proudly say I've been to North Dakota, South Dakota, Kansas, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Missiouri, Illinois, Alaska, Hawaii, New York City, Pennsylvania, Maryland, and Ohio. All those stories to come.

My Grandpa John

My grandparents spent every afternoon watching me after school and in the early mornings before my mom had to work. She would drop me off at my grandparents house to attend school in their district and then she would pick me up and take me back home, but that was only when she lived with Raphael. When Cathy and Raphael would have marital discord Cathy would just move us into my grandparents house and everyone lived in harmony. At least in my head they lived in harmony. My grandpa is a bit of an acquired taste. I loved my grandpa more than I can say. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him, but again I can discuss more of that in future.

Dan, Judy, Cathy, Pete, and Jim
I think in Pennsylvania 2008

This picture is my family. Each member has taught me something valuable. They love me and I love them. Without them I would not be the person I am today. From Dan I learned that being the quiet type isn't a bad thing you learn a lot by not saying very much. From my grandma Judy I learned how to be a lady and to live up to the expectations of my family. From my mom I learned how to strive to be the best that you can be, everything else will just fall into place. From Pete I learned that you only lived once might as well enjoy it, so when given an opportunity to go or do something might as well go all in. Together with Pete I've seen Broadway plays from the second and fourth rows, a helicopter ride around Manhattan, and a cruise to Alaska. From Jim I learned that you should never judge people by what they look like or by what their clothes say, you should judge them from their actions alone. He also taught me to respect my mom and NEVER roll my eyes at people.

Tina and Phillip Rateau.
Along with Michael Toronto
2008

One neighboring family even helped our little village and that would be Tina Rateau. She was the first person I met after my grandparents moved into a smaller house in Salt Lake City, Utah. She and her then husband invited me to their church. To an lds ward that happily embraced my quirky self. She showed me how to be a house wife, and chef. Tina didn't have children on this earthly life, so I and another boy in the neighborhood soon began joking around that we were her adopted children because of all the things she would do for us.

Jennifer, Dan, Stephanie,
Ryan, Allison, Taylor, Justin, Keileigh
Judy, John, Jim, Cassey, Cathy

Taylor, Justin, Judy, Trish, Jim, Christina, Aiden, Cathy

At one time my village looked like this. But over time we lose people, or they choose to leave us. But as time waxes and wanes new family members are added and joined into our little village. They are there to fill the void and that's way in my mind life works, in order for there to be new life, death must take place.


One day I hope that my children get to enjoy the village that Zaq and I will be providing for our family. I hope that with all the hustle and bustle and everyday life that my children understand how much to bend over backwards to please them. Lets just hope that we're doing what's best.

Being

Inspiration is a fickle thing, hope you all enjoy it.

So a long time ago, and by that I mean 13 - 14 years ago my best friend paid me the compliment of saying that I reminded her of Rebecca Sharp from the novel Vanity Fair. To me I thought okay, How is it that I, of all people, remind her of Rebecca Sharp.

In my own head I am a small little person that doesn't say much in the crowded room. I feel that I have a introvert personality which means, that to me going out in a crowded room over whelms me pretty easily and I don't like leaving my house. Sometimes when I do go to big huge events ESPECIALLY when we lived in Provo Utah I would get these horrible butterflies in my stomach because I knew that the people I would be meeting and talking to would never accept my awesomeness at the time. So often I would feel left out of conversations, and alone because no one would take the time to get to know me.

About two years ago another close friend of mine admitted that I intimidated her when I first met her. I thought HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE???? I barely speaking in large groups and since having all three of our children I am not that adventurous. I stay behind in a lot of things because it is outside my comfort zone. And I hid behind our children. They used to say in our board game group that if Chris is holding a baby she's the traitor in the game. Which is a very true statement I feel my kids bring more attention to me than I bring to myself.

I am now living in a community in Oregon that accepts me and all my flaws and in all my awesomeness. Zaq told me about 6 months ago that my greatest quality that I possess is my persistence. No matter how many times I've fallen down I always get back up. No matter how many times we've moved I've always worked my hardest to establish a home within a month of moving into our new apartment. And no matter how many times I felt uncomfortable going to Relief Society and sitting by myself I have done it. I have endured all the awkwardness in order to achieve my greatness.

To the women that read this blog you need to identify those good qualities that you possess and embrace them. Be that woman that stands out as the greatest thing that another person wants to admire. I'm learning to embrace my awesome power. We recently moved into a new ward about six months ago I realized it was my persistence that got me to where I am today. Today we signed up to feed the missionaries in our ward 6 times in the next two weeks. AND I LOVE IT. I love being that charitable with my time and our food allowances. Recently we've been on a tight budget with our food money and things are tight, but I know that by feeding the missionaries, maybe they can save their money and get something that they need, or help someone else down the road with what that person needs.

But that being said I can understand why my friend compared me to Rebecca Sharp for those that have read the book or seen the movie Rebecca Sharp is an amazing woman who raises above her situation and makes the best of all the situations that she's in and never gives up hope to be a society woman. Yes at one point she does lose her way and falls down the path of over pleasing in order to be part of that society, but in the end she finds someone that will make her happy. But my point in comparing myself to Rebecca Sharp is that I will always raise from the ashes of moving to a new place and I will overcome my shyness in order to be a pillar of the community and to help people that are in need when I can.

This is Kubo and the two strings, for those that haven't seen it yet.
Go, go now
I can not recommend this movie enough I love this movie

This is who I am:

I am a mom, a mean mom? "HELLS YES" I spank my kids when they need spanking, I hug my kids when they ask it, I give make sure they eat when they truly want to eat and are hungry enough to desire the food that is made for them.

I am a woman, a woman who in my childhood has been molested, but with the help of my husband I overcame that. I enjoy movies (action, psychological thrillers, dramatic, some chick flicks, spy movies and children's movies), TV shows (when I finally sit down because my kids are pitching a fit to be nursed or comforted) mostly dramatic tv, some comedies, I am a nerd. I love Battlestar Galatica, Babylon 5, I haven't given Star Trek enough of a chance, I love Charmed, Reign, Tudors, Once Upon a Time, SVU (dick wolf anything really) the Chicago series, currently enjoying some old X-men.

Hobbies I have are Cross Stitching, Painting Rocks, doing fill it in puzzles which are crossword puzzles but instead of giving you a hint to what the word is they give you the word to fit into the puzzle. I love playing video games Guild Wars 2, Warhammer online, Guitar Hero was my first big video game, I've loved watching Kingdom Hearts and played a little. I love playing board games Kingsburg, Coup, Mysterium, Sentinels of the Multiverse, and Thurn and Taxis are by far my favorite games to play.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am a charitable woman who loves to serve those around me, both in my ward and in my community to the best of my ability.

I am a wife that has been in love with the same man for 10 years. We don't argue we banter, we tease each other and love each other very much. In our relationship we've never been in an argument, we hate being mad at each other, the maddest that we've been at each other only lasts at most 30 minutes then we get over ourselves and go back to loving one another. There is no silent treatment.  I can't imagine my life without him. I am persistent and I always set up a loving home for my family to enjoy.

I am me. If you don't know who you are. Find out who you are. Be that awesome person that is you. Embrace it. Stop hiding in the closet. Be that awesome being that you have buried down inside.

Father to Son Relationships, or none existing relationships

This blog is to all the father's out there. This number is for you.

Zaq and Aiden, Aiden age 2

Zaq is an awesome dad. He plays with the kids when he finds time to. He totally promotes Aiden playing video games and hamming it up for his stream and camera all the time. For those of you that don't know Zaq streams video games and new games not yet released. So for those of you that don't watch Zaq's twitch channel Aiden will sit with his dad either a) on his lap, b) between his legs, standing or c) in a chair right next to him. Zaq plays a variety of different games all of which Aiden is eagerly engaged in watching and enjoying all the fun that comes with gaming.

Aiden age 3 enjoying his goliath action figure
Zaq got from the Evolve Developers for his help with their game

Zaq trying to game with both Aiden, age 3 and Layoni age 12 months

Aiden and Zaq, Aiden age 6 months

This relationship between father and son didn't come easily. For the first year of Aiden's life, Aiden hated, not just hated, but SERIOUSLY HATED Zaq. Anytime I would leave Aiden alone with Zaq, Aiden would know and begin screaming five minutes after I left. There was nothing, not a single thing that he could do to help calm Aiden. And at first Zaq felt bad and defeated because at that time when Aiden was first born I held a calling in our church helping run the primary program, which means dealing with more little children. So Zaq eventually gave up trying to please him and would just let him cry out until I returned home, I wised up and asked our family to help in this dilemma of helping Aiden not be so traumatized every time I would leave the house.

Aiden and Zaq, Aiden age 4. Solar Eclipse Day

Layoni and Zaq, Layoni age 9 months

Layoni was a little bit easier she was and always will be a daddy's girl. She's got him so wrapped around her little finger that she is allowed to snuggle him even after bed time. Especially if she's not feeling good. Recently we've been having to cut down on her dairy intake because she's been having a hard time pooping. But progressing on she's always been pretty mellow around Zaq so he wasn't that scared. Also I didn't leave the house as often with Layoni either. Although after having a second child it seemed Zaq had gotten a clue as to how to handle a child under the age of one.

Blue Lake Ward Relief Society Pot Luck Dinner

But flash forward to tonight's main event. I had a Relief Society activity to attend, pretty much just a fancy excuse to get out of the house and socialize something I don't do regularly, regularly I don't leave the house. So I conned Zaq into watching all three children at the same time in the same place for an hour and a half. Literally I left the house at 6:25 and was home by 8:10 so an hour and forty five minutes. Not an extreme request considering I'm at home with our children from 7:00 am to 5:00 pm by myself and I have to get up in the middle of the night when they wake because lets not fool ourselves Zaq is the breadwinner and needs as much sleep as possible, something I have honored since Aiden was born and Zaq was working two jobs to make sure that I didn't have to get a job.

Aiden, Zaq, and Alexander. Aiden age 5,
Alexander age 3 months

So I came home from my little excursion only to be told that Alexander has been crying for the last hour and a half. Dear God I hope the man was exaggerating. But the second I pick him up from his bouncy chair Alexander stops crying and is the happy content little baby he usually is, unless he's tired then he's a big ol hand full of ANGRY babiness. But Zaq has stated now that he's done getting tricked into baby sitting Alexander until Alexander can actually be chill with him. Which in the case of Alexander happens around the year or two year mark.

Alexander being held by Zaq, first smiles, age 1 month

I want men out in the universe to know that you're not alone. Men, although some men do have the gentle touch with babies called the baby whisper, don't do well with newborn babies. I think it's something in their mentality. Zaq just loses interest in babies, especially if they are crying. Zaq usual solution to babies crying is give them back to their parents, but what happens when you're the parent? Zaq will just put Alexander down in order to not lose his cool completely, because Zaq knows that Alexander is okay, he might be crying, but at least he's not getting angry in his arms.

And truly it's okay to put a baby down if they are crying, and even if they are not it's okay to put a baby down. Although my whole world revolves around these little tykes, and I rarely put them down, but I'm just a chill mom like that. That being said Alexander is reaching the age of "what's my brother or sister doing I want to follow them" or "Ohh mom, what's that toy down there, no not that, that one." so he's becoming a little more impatient with just the plain old sit and stare routine of his life.

Never feel inadequate as a parent. You're doing the best that you know how to do, everything just falls into place as it happens, but just like dory says from Finding Nemo, "Just keep swimming"

Damage report of the first time I left Aiden alone with Zaq

I had left the house for an hour. We also had Zaq's brother Hyrum living with us at the time of this incident. One little boy got into a marker and redecorated the walls, floor, counter, and dishwasher because two grown men were busy playing video games.

Guess who they made clean it up, Aiden

Damage report number two.

Aiden had seen me put on makeup before so he thought he would give it a try himself. This was all makeup done by himself. NO ONE was helping him put this make up on. Although that being said if this kid ever wanted a job in the make up industry this could be his opening image, because dang he looks like hes got a shiner.

Raising Selfish

Alright my weekend ...... as a parent I failed.

Kids on the train by the entrance to the
Children's Museum in Portland Oregon

So Friday morning Alan headed off to work fit as a fiddle, but Herman and I have a slight cold. So Saturday morning we woke up with a plan to get out of the house and enjoy the awesome 60s weather and sunshine. So we got up took an assessment of how everyone was feeling and decided to adventure to the zoo.

On our way out we decided to stop and grab some lunch. Wendy's is currently the cheapest food we can buy, that feeds everyone. We usually get the 4 for $4.00 dollar meal. Misty eats the french fries and maybe a few of Humphrey's chicken nuggets when he doesn't want them. Humphrey we try to force him to eat chicken nuggets. Like we tell him if he eats his chicken nuggets we'll go to the zoo, or he'll get a frosty (because we actually have four of those little frosty tags that they sold this year) and usually he's pretty good, but not today. EVERYTHING was a deal to be struck. So we told him all the way to the zoo eat your chicken nuggets and we'll go to the zoo. Humphrey now knows how to spell zoo so in our vain attempt to conceal our final destination Humphrey figured it out. Alan was so confounded that he kept asking Humphrey why do you think you deserve to go to the zoo. This after analyzing that Humphrey failed to clean up his toys the night before. So not only did we leave the house a mess with toys thrown across the entire apartment. Humphrey also refused to eat his lunch.

Kids hard at work constructing, although one is constructing
then the other deconstructs it and makes it their own way

So all the way to the zoo, a 36 minutes drive to achieve our goal,  we kept telling Humphrey eat your lunch or we won't go to the zoo. We arrive in the parking lot, "Humphrey eat your lunch or we won't go to the zoo." We pay for parking "Humphrey finish eating your lunch or we won't go to the zoo". Wait another 10 minutes "Humphrey eat your lunch or we won't go to the zoo today". Finally Humphrey get angry and starts yelling at us and saying "I don't like you mommy and daddy."

Alan, Humphrey, and Misty

So as parents we've reached "the wall" with Humphrey. We decided fine he didn't want to eat his lunch we'll just park the car and explore all the other parks that they have in this area. The first building we walked into was the Western Forestry and Conservation Association. Which looked pretty cool to go into, but they didn't offer any sort of discount on their $7.00 entry fee, so we moved on to another location. Like the Portland Children's Museum.

Alan offered to let Misty clean his Alligator teeth. 

So we finally made it to the Portland Children's Museum. Of course this is the first time Alan has ever been to a children's museum probably since his own childhood. Luckily I had Herman in our new hiking backpack because strollers are just a bother. So we entered the museum and of course Humphrey finds the toys and Misty just follows Humphrey until she realizes she's not tied to him and goes running off. Alan gets all confused and worried. "where's Misty" she's was right there next to Humphrey, but it was still entertaining to me as a mom to watch Alan go nuts because we can't control our children. lol.

Humphrey driving the train at the enterence
of the Children's Museum

Although that being said Misty did run off away from us twice. The first time I caught her, the next time we all had to chase her down. She was in the gift shop area and when Alan walked past her she followed him and I followed her so she scampered in between us and I had to call Alan off the chase because he didn't see her as he walked right past her. But we survived the experience and didn't lose any of our children.

Alan along for the ride

Moments before Humphrey's blow out

That being said how do parents deal with the melt down child? Humphrey found his favorite room in the museum, the one with all the car trains and tracks. His first instinct take over. Not share. AND throw a temper tantrum when another child wanted to play with his area. So of course we had to evacuate that area. So as adults what do you do when you've already bent over backwards to please your children, but you realize you've lost all control? How to regain that control?

Humphrey truly is one of a kind. As most hollywood movies portray parenting is "Its awful, awful, awful, but then your kids do something amazing and it's awesome, but it's awful, awful, awful, then amazing again" I loved that quote from Anthony Anderson. because to me that is what parenting Humphrey is right now. He's spoilt which I only have myself to blame. He doesn't treat his toys with any respect, and he has so many that taking one of them away never affects him in anyway. Which is also my fault because I haven't taught him how to honor his toys, that being said for the first four years of his life my mom would just come over every week and buy him a new toy so he never figured out how to treasure his toys especially when you just get new ones every week anyway.

That being Humphrey has started to ignore me all the time now a days. Whenever I tell him to do something, the perfect example is right at this moment. I told him to clean up his toys, well at first he said no, then I said put your nose on the door, then he started cleaning up so I let it slide, but now I can hear my computer on in the background so he's no longer cleaning up his toys. Alright now we're back on track, just had to turn off the computer. Now he's all upset because he wants to watch television instead of cleaning up his toys. And of course here comes the muttering "stupid mom". Excuse me please .......

Misty driving the ambulance

Humphrey was playing the paramedic in the ambulance






So parents out there in the universe how do you discipline your kids? especially now a days with the "no spank" rules out there?




That being said because if I don't list Humphrey's good qualities Thelma will IM me and tell me that I should love Humphrey and that its all my fault for not raising him the right way in the first place.

So grown up kids how do you deal with your parents as well? lol

Humphrey's greatest qualities is He is super smart .... He plays video games with Alan and can pretty much beat up AIs, He's got a great imagination. He's super sweet with his siblings and affectionate with other children. And his parents do love him a lot and can't wait to see him as an adult and or teenager.

Humphrey chose the snake in the animal doctors office. Proud mom moment. One day we'll own a snake that we can enjoy as a household pet, either than or an iguana, or bird like macaw, african gray, Cockatoo, or love birds. 

Humphrey going to work, hard hat and all

Alan playing shadow puppets with the kids. Most of the times when we actually go to these places he finds something that he enjoys playing with. 

My selfie. I can take amazing pictures of my whole family, everyone believes it, I try and take a picture of myself and I totally hate it. Please give me some tips on taking the best selfie. I want to stop looking like a drunk high person in my pictures :( and of course little photogenic Herman on my back in our new Hiking Backpack. Everyone with strollers was a little jealous of my awesome gear. :D 

Misty finally got to write on the walls. For future note when we own our house and can put whatever we want on the walls glow in the dark walls with a special pen would be awesome. Really cool idea there. 

Hey Misty com drive the bus and take Daddy to the store

At the museum they had this cool Vietnamese exhibit that was really cool to experience. Even Alan to play a Dragon

Misty was entertained

I was sad to realize I got pictures of the kids playing in the water, but not Alan playing in the water. Alan found this little table where you could control the current of the water and make some minor rapids so he tried taking over and placing the tiles in place. I even asked him. "So let me get this right, you'll play in the water of the water exhibit, but not help in giving your own children baths even though right after that we give them lotion time? WTF?"

Misty playing in the water

Humphrey playing with the telescope in the garden area of the Museum