Being

Inspiration is a fickle thing, hope you all enjoy it.

So a long time ago, and by that I mean 13 - 14 years ago my best friend paid me the compliment of saying that I reminded her of Rebecca Sharp from the novel Vanity Fair. To me I thought okay, How is it that I, of all people, remind her of Rebecca Sharp.

In my own head I am a small little person that doesn't say much in the crowded room. I feel that I have a introvert personality which means, that to me going out in a crowded room over whelms me pretty easily and I don't like leaving my house. Sometimes when I do go to big huge events ESPECIALLY when we lived in Provo Utah I would get these horrible butterflies in my stomach because I knew that the people I would be meeting and talking to would never accept my awesomeness at the time. So often I would feel left out of conversations, and alone because no one would take the time to get to know me.

About two years ago another close friend of mine admitted that I intimidated her when I first met her. I thought HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE???? I barely speaking in large groups and since having all three of our children I am not that adventurous. I stay behind in a lot of things because it is outside my comfort zone. And I hid behind our children. They used to say in our board game group that if Chris is holding a baby she's the traitor in the game. Which is a very true statement I feel my kids bring more attention to me than I bring to myself.

I am now living in a community in Oregon that accepts me and all my flaws and in all my awesomeness. Zaq told me about 6 months ago that my greatest quality that I possess is my persistence. No matter how many times I've fallen down I always get back up. No matter how many times we've moved I've always worked my hardest to establish a home within a month of moving into our new apartment. And no matter how many times I felt uncomfortable going to Relief Society and sitting by myself I have done it. I have endured all the awkwardness in order to achieve my greatness.

To the women that read this blog you need to identify those good qualities that you possess and embrace them. Be that woman that stands out as the greatest thing that another person wants to admire. I'm learning to embrace my awesome power. We recently moved into a new ward about six months ago I realized it was my persistence that got me to where I am today. Today we signed up to feed the missionaries in our ward 6 times in the next two weeks. AND I LOVE IT. I love being that charitable with my time and our food allowances. Recently we've been on a tight budget with our food money and things are tight, but I know that by feeding the missionaries, maybe they can save their money and get something that they need, or help someone else down the road with what that person needs.

But that being said I can understand why my friend compared me to Rebecca Sharp for those that have read the book or seen the movie Rebecca Sharp is an amazing woman who raises above her situation and makes the best of all the situations that she's in and never gives up hope to be a society woman. Yes at one point she does lose her way and falls down the path of over pleasing in order to be part of that society, but in the end she finds someone that will make her happy. But my point in comparing myself to Rebecca Sharp is that I will always raise from the ashes of moving to a new place and I will overcome my shyness in order to be a pillar of the community and to help people that are in need when I can.

This is Kubo and the two strings, for those that haven't seen it yet.
Go, go now
I can not recommend this movie enough I love this movie

This is who I am:

I am a mom, a mean mom? "HELLS YES" I spank my kids when they need spanking, I hug my kids when they ask it, I give make sure they eat when they truly want to eat and are hungry enough to desire the food that is made for them.

I am a woman, a woman who in my childhood has been molested, but with the help of my husband I overcame that. I enjoy movies (action, psychological thrillers, dramatic, some chick flicks, spy movies and children's movies), TV shows (when I finally sit down because my kids are pitching a fit to be nursed or comforted) mostly dramatic tv, some comedies, I am a nerd. I love Battlestar Galatica, Babylon 5, I haven't given Star Trek enough of a chance, I love Charmed, Reign, Tudors, Once Upon a Time, SVU (dick wolf anything really) the Chicago series, currently enjoying some old X-men.

Hobbies I have are Cross Stitching, Painting Rocks, doing fill it in puzzles which are crossword puzzles but instead of giving you a hint to what the word is they give you the word to fit into the puzzle. I love playing video games Guild Wars 2, Warhammer online, Guitar Hero was my first big video game, I've loved watching Kingdom Hearts and played a little. I love playing board games Kingsburg, Coup, Mysterium, Sentinels of the Multiverse, and Thurn and Taxis are by far my favorite games to play.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am a charitable woman who loves to serve those around me, both in my ward and in my community to the best of my ability.

I am a wife that has been in love with the same man for 10 years. We don't argue we banter, we tease each other and love each other very much. In our relationship we've never been in an argument, we hate being mad at each other, the maddest that we've been at each other only lasts at most 30 minutes then we get over ourselves and go back to loving one another. There is no silent treatment.  I can't imagine my life without him. I am persistent and I always set up a loving home for my family to enjoy.

I am me. If you don't know who you are. Find out who you are. Be that awesome person that is you. Embrace it. Stop hiding in the closet. Be that awesome being that you have buried down inside.