Burning Bridges vs. Letting go of the past

Good Morning Big Beautiful Universe,
How are you this fine morning?
Me, well it's only 2:37 in the morning and I felt inspiration strike me as a lay in bed waiting to fall asleep.

Someone close to me reached out recently and posed the question whether I had burned the bridge to our relationship. I felt bad knowing full well that I have let go of my past, but I have yet to burn any bridges.

My family is very important to me. I love my husband and I love our three wonderful children. But outside of that circle my relationships with people become a bit of a challenge.

Both Zaq and I love our parents and would do anything for them just as the feeling is mutual. I know that in a pickle I can call Zaq's mom, or my mom and know that without a question there is help on the other side of that phone call. No matter the time, no matter the place.

Zaq has been estranged from the rest of extended family with the exception of siblings and it always made me question How could someone care so little about their family. I mean family history is so important to the Mormon religion that its hard to let go of family sometimes. But then I began reflecting upon my own aunts and uncles and the relationships that I've had with them.

All my life I've had three uncles. I grew up knowing that I had three uncles, but I never knew that I had so much more than that. I had 9 other aunts and uncles that knew who I was and were interested in my growing up. I learned a deep lesson at the age of 20 that people outside of my mom's side of the family knew and loved me as well.

But at the beautiful age of 29 I began in take a closer look at those relationships. I began noticing that when I attended family functions I would often sit alone, I would often helicopter my children because there was no one else to watch my kids except me. In Utah where so much of my family from my mom and dad's family are I felt very alone and isolated. I felt that if I didn't attend every family function I would be forgotten, and I was and am. But for those that do remember me I thank you for it very deeply.

That being said. I feel there is a difference between burning bridges and letting go of the past. People change, heaven knows I've changed in the past 10 years alone. I have never once burned any bridges with family members, I've just realized that people don't know me anymore and they don't recognize me because I've grown and become my own person. It was interesting as I made way across the country moving from Oregon to Maryland I stopped off in Indiana to visit an uncle I've known all my life. My uncle Dan.

As I called Dan and his family to let them know that I was journeying in their direction and would love to stop by for a visit I had to leave a voicemail on their answering machine. As I left my name I said "Hi this is Chris calling, Cathy's daughter." It made to stop and realize that that is how I identify myself with my whole family. Hi I'm Chris Marty's daughter, or I'm Chris, Cathy's daughter. These people I'm reaching out don't know who I am, plus Chris is a very common name that I had grown to love as a nick name, but people don't know me off the top of their heads and that's okay. There is no need to feel hurt about it. I understand that I've grown and changed just like they have.

I feel that I have never burnt any bridges with my family, I've just learned by now those that know me off the top of their heads and those that don't. There is no hurt, I'm not offended, I don't spend every waking hour anymore feeling hurt and neglected I've just let go of my past and live for my small family of 5 now that's all.

I'm sure I'll never hear the end of this, but that's just how I feel about it. I figured some people would enjoy hearing about letting go of the past and moving onto a bigger better future and I hope this helps people understand their relationships with into their own families.

Also remember someone loves you, within your own family no matter what. Someone loves you and is always watching out for you.

Hope that left you on a positive note. As for this tired mama I'm going to bed at 3:00 am with the hopes that Alexander, Layoni, and Aiden will sleep through the whole night (especially since they are all sick). Wish me luck.

Things To Come

Good Evening my loyal readers,
I have noticed that most of you check in regularly to see if I have had the passion and drive at the end of the night to write about how my day has gone.

Well let me tell you, over the last few weeks tons has happened.

Aiden went in for surgery June 7th - undescended testis
recovered no complications
We moved from our tiny (quickly cramping) apartment in Oregon to a large townhouse in Maryland
that road trip was fun. I want to do that again .... not.
We got to see family and friends at the best of times and at the worst of times and we all came out bigger better people for it.
I have now moved into a new ward and am trying my hardest to find my place in all of it, yet again.
We went to six flags three days after moving here. That was so fun.
 I want to tell you all about the moves we've made since Zaq and I are celebrating our 10 years anniversary.
Tomorrow is my birthday, which is cool, no big deal, just another day and another dollar down the drain, but I'm making enchiladas and getting cheesecake with my father in law visiting. Totally fun spending time with family and the craziness that is brought on with three wild children running around the house.
Hyrum and I have been having fun making jokes at Zaq for being a tight penny pincher and an old fuddy duddy, but we still love him.
It's been fun living here in Maryland so far, I've fallen in love with the humidity (everyone tells me that my love for it will dwindle) We've had some nice rain showers and I've heard a couple of bolts of thunder and lightning both of which I've loved my whole life. Although every time I step out on the patio to listen and watch the rain Garth Brooks song "to make you feel my love" pops into my head and I start humming it to Alexander.
Alexander is growing like a weed and which each passing day comes another tooth and more hair. We're up to 8 now and he's only 10 months.
Layoni has been all sorts of up and down this past week, she's been extra clingy towards Zaq, every time he would walk off in the amusement park she got upset about it because she wanted to be with him everywhere he went.
Aiden has coped with the new space very well. He loves going upstairs only to chase his sister down the stairs and race. His new catch phrase...... "I won" even though he's the only one racing.

I'm doing well just going from day to day trying to make sense of how I want everything laid out in the house. We bought a kallax shelf from Ikea just yesterday in fact. I love it!!! It holds all our board games and stuff. I even realized that there are actually two more boxes of board games that are missing from the current collection that just got unpacked.

It's been nice getting back into our old routine of dinners and lunches. Believe me living off of munchies in a van for a week is not my cup of tea. That being said when we arrived to Maryland I noticed that there was a pei wei really close to us, and I got super excited for their food again. mmmmm chinese food. But when we finally got to go I found the food to be lack luster, it passed for food, but it wasn't the greatest. I ordered the sushi which wasn't Greshams Sushi Village Happy Hour sushi. 1.95 per roll. mmmm Sunside Rolls, and Lion King Rolls, and Pepper Tuna Rolls. Damn it now I'm hungry.

As an early birthday present my father in law and his family gifted us with all the stuff they didn't want in their move from the east coast to the west coast coming this August. I'm excited for it all, but when the movers arrived and kept bringing boxes and furniture into our apartment I was both excited and alarmed at all the new things I am now in charge of maintaining. :D All new things that good of course.

Before we left from Gresham, Oregon Zaq and I finished our classes through the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints about starting our own businesses. I think I want to go through the material again and pick up some more pointers. Maybe all post all the info here for everyone to view. Although to be honest it can all be found on LDS.org. But it was soooo much for to participate together working towards a common goal.

Anyway all things to come. Spoilers or cliff hangers one or the others.

Much Love tonight,
Chris